Why stand out? Be regular.

Welcome to Regular Guy
Friday, May 26 2017 @ 08:59 AM MDT

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Why Firefox Really Rules

BlogSure, tabbed browsing is now available everywhere. But do those other browsers allow you to add the "Stop! Hammertime" extension?

Simply install and marvel as you hear MC Hammer sing whenever a page is stopped!

I might stop pages from loading just for fun now.

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If You Don't Like It, Spike It

BlogDuring my senior year of college, my friend Edge had control of the soda machine in my fraternity house. This was good because we could get the things we wanted. This was bad because Edge liked to mess with people's heads.

The machine was in the TV room on the third floor, a room affectionately called "The Ship's Cabin," because it had a half-moon shaped balcony that looked out over the big front yard. I spent an inordinate amount of time in The Cabin that year.

Anyways, Edge set up the machine so that everything only cost a quarter. But you had to play a little game we liked to call "Soda Machine Roulette" to get your bargain.

One button dispensed nothing but the finest soda, name brands like Minute Maid Orange, Dr. Pepper and the like. But there was a lot of Milwaukee's Best mixed in with that category.

Three buttons had a mix of good soda, the Beast and generic soda.

One button had no beer, but nothing but the most rancid generic soda, like Rocky Top Cherry Cola. I think there was Rocky Top Grape. The Rocky Top cola was OK and the ginger ale was fine as well, but you were taking your chances with this button. Sure, you knew you would not get a beer, but you would probably get crap.

Nothing was more fun for a guy like me than seeing someone take a shot at the good soda category, only to get a beer. Because there was a 50-50 chance they would give me or one of my friends the beer.

We also had fun with the crap category by developing a new game called "If You Don't Like It, Spike It!"

The soda machine sat by a big empty wall. I don't know how it developed, but we eventually decided that it was more fun to explode the generic sodas against the wall than it was to choke it down. After all, another drink would only cost a quarter.

So we would take the cherry and the grape soda cans and throw they as hard as we could against the wall to watch them explode. Sometimes, we would simulate a baseball double play or a basketball pass to really shake up the can before we threw it.

By the end of the year, a good portion of that wall was a putrid color that I don't think I could describe. We feel it gave The Cabin even more charm than before.
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We Need Gladiators

Columns You hear a lot of commentary from various sources about the social problems facing our country.

People worry about the decline of the family, loosening moral values, and the loss of basic concern for others.

Critics of modern society try and point the finger at different sources. Some blame video games. Some blame the culture of celebrity. Others blame permissive parents.

I think something else has caused all the problems we face every day. I blame the people who decided to take “American Gladiators” off the air more than 10 years ago.

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Mea Culpa

BlogI have been a bad, bad blogger. Things have been so busy, I have even forgotten to post the column I wrote for last week's paper. That will come soon.

Anyways, here's what's new:

1. I think David Stern was completely right about the suspensions in the Suns-Spurs series.
2. I haven't played PS2 in a few weeks. I can't believe I have survived.
3. I have started walking every morning before I shower. I feel like I have lots more energy and am enjoying listening to podcasts while I walk.
4. I am hoping to produce more podcasts, but I say that a lot.
5. D.C. United finally won. Thank God!
6. Brady Quinn deserves every piece of the abuse which has been heaped upon him.
7. I am doing a pretty mediocre job in all my fantasy baseball leagues.
8. All my shows are renewed for next season. What a relief.

I think that's it.
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My Internet Friends

Columns I have a confession to make. This shouldn't worry me since I have admitted it to other people and not had any problems. I just feel so self-conscious whenever I come out and say it.

I have Internet friends.

There, I said it. I feel better now. I can go on feeling just as confident about myself as I did before I said it.

I can, right?

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Greatest Mall Ever

ColumnsWhen I went away last weekend, I got a chance to look around the greatest mall in the world.


Those of you who have never flown need to check this place out. If you have flown and don't love Skymall – what is wrong with you?

Imagine sitting comfortably looking at the most incredibly cool items ever. Multiply that by 10 and you have Skymall.

I think I can finally say I am happy if I manage to buy a few things from their handy catalog. They really do have the solutions to everyone's problems.

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Dining Etiquette

ColumnsSometimes people complain that our lawmakers pay too much attention to frivolous laws. I tend to agree.

I saw something last weekend that requires immediate legislative action. Enough of worrying about healthcare and education and public safety.

We need to take care of dining etiquette.

Maria and Bridget left me alone for the weekend so I enjoyed one of my favorite things – breakfast out.

I really enjoy sitting alone, getting fueled up for the day, reading the paper, and people watching.

The meal was pretty uneventful. My French toast was good. The coffee perked me up. No problems whatsoever.

Then, it happened. A man and a woman came in and sat down at a booth across the room. Sounds harmless, right? Wrong.

They sat on the same side of the booth.

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I'm Big Time Now

BlogHead on over to HoboTrashcan, where I am their newest columnist. The columns will run every other Thursday, and will be different from my newspaper columns. They also will only appear on HTC so go check them out. And don't forget the rest of their site - it's great.
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Go Away, Harry Potter

Columns As a writer and a parent, I think people should do everything in their power to encourage children to read. But I have had it up to here with this Harry Potter stuff.

I have to say right off the bat that I have never read any of the Potter books. I have no doubt that adults can enjoy the books as much as youngsters, but I just don't have that much interest in fantasy.

Besides, the insanity surrounding these things is just getting to be too much.

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This Woman is the Deh-bul

BlogI generally don't get the fascination with the everyday lives of celebrities, but there are now Web sites that take the whole thing way further than anyone could expect. The "editor" of one of those sites got utterly and completely bitch-slapped by Jimmy Kimmel the other day.

First off, this woman looks batshit insane with her facial ticks. Second, how in the hell is Jimmy Kimmel sitting in for Larry King and why does he feel the need to wear suspenders?