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Friday, May 26 2017 @ 08:45 AM MDT

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Too Weird

BlogI don't watch "King of the Hill" very often. In fact, I almost never watch it. I don't have anything against the show. In fact, I used to watch it all the time. I just don't make the time to watch it anymore. Usually on Sunday, I'll flip around and watch sports or something after we put Bridget to bed until it's time to watch "Desperate Housewives."

Anyways, I had watched KOTH once this year, and it was OK. Two nights ago, I found myself watching The Simpsons because I didn't see anything else I wanted. When it ended, I kept it on Fox to see if KOTH entertained me.

It was the same damn episiode I watched a few months ago. What are the odds?

It was a good thing, though, because I ended up switching to "Planet Earth" and watching a badass clip of a shark eating a seal like it was a bite-sized Snickers.
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Want to Send Me to Dublin?

BlogThings have been R.E.M.-riffic lately. First off, they went into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with a fantastic performance. They also announced that Jackknife Lee will produce their next album. I don't know anything about him, but to have someone named Jackknife produce your album is pretty bad ass.

Now, they have set up a bunch of dates in Dublin to debut new songs live. The show shave already sent out, and I would have trouble getting time off, but if anyone wants to pay for my ticket, I'd love to go.

Oh, you'd need to pay my plane fare, hotel and give me some spending money too. And if you could arrange for Bill Berry to play with the band in these shows, that would be awesome.

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My Favorite April Fool's Joke

BlogYou don't see too many good April Fool's pranks. You really need good timing, the right people and a believable story line to pull it off. My sophomore or junior year of college, everything came together perfectly.

A little background - my fraternity had a bad reputation. We weren't that bad, but we skirted the rules without putting pledges in serious danger. One of the pledge responsibilities was to wait tables during lunch and dinner. When we had announcements, we would send them out of the room. Usually, they were sent to the walk-in freezer on the lower level ("GET IN THE BOX" was the signal), which sounds worse than it was.

One time, however, the foursome waiting tables were taken outside and handcuffed to the fire escape. Don't ask me why - I don't even know if I was there when it happened. No one was hurt. It was all just the product of a brother who was bored and had access to multiple sets of handcuffs.

Again, don't ask me why.

That took place a few days before April Fool's Day. We must have just returned from Spring Break because we were on trimesters and the break between second and third term was usually from around St. Patrick's Day to around April Fool's Day. So I guess the handcuffing was someone getting rid of pent up energy from break.

Anyhow. We had announcements on April Fool's Day at lunch and the pledges were sent to the box. At some point - I don't remember whether it was right away or after the mundane announcements - our president (Bryce) stood up.

Here's where having the right people is important. Bryce was a pretty serious guy, but he looked really pissed when he stood up. He demanded that the guys behind the handcuffing take credit for it because he spent the whole morning in the Dean of Students' office, and we were in deep trouble.

That was believable. We were always teetering on the edge of being in trouble, mainly because we did things like that - something that sounded horrible, but in reality was just a prank. Bryce sold it perfectly.

Here's where the other "right person" came into play. Except he wasn't in on the prank - he took the bait perfectly. Ken was the pledgemaster. Ken was kind of high-strung and took things way too seriously at times. As Bryce went on about responsibility and not getting others in trouble (PA had some pretty serious anti-hazing laws we were always threatened with), Ken stood up.

In tears, he demanded that the people who did it take responsibility because he wasn't going to get in trouble for something he didn't have anything to do with. Ken had a high-pitched voice so that made this even funnier. Admittedly, he might not have been actually crying, but it makes the story better.

Things got real quiet for a minute before Bryce spoke again. He sheepishly looked around the room at the stunned faces and said, "April Fool's." At this point, we attacked him, stripped him naked and threw him in the pond next door. That tradition is another column for another time.

These stories of course become funnier when I point out that Bryce is now a teacher and Ken is global human resources director for a company.
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A Day in the Life

ColumnsMost readers probably think that the life of a regular guy is filled with glamour. In a rare look into my world, here’s a brief diary of last weekend when Maria and Bridget left me to my own devices for 36 hours.


7 a.m. – Say goodbye from underneath the covers as they head off to my mother-in-law’s. 7:01 - Roll over to get more sleep.
7:05 – Realize I won’t fall back asleep and get up.
8:30 – After goofing off on the Internet for as long as I can manage, finally get in the shower.

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Random Thoughts

  • I'm thinking the term "mancrush," especially when used by guys in reference to their favorite athlete, should be banned from the lexicon. I also think "(Fill in Team Name Here) Nation" has gone a little too far.
  • If you have not seen the Peyton Manning commercial from SNL, go here now.
  • I broke out the cornhole boards the other night and played with the Elvis bags I bought a few months ago. It was awesome.
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New Podcast

BlogWant to hear why I'm breaking up with Grey's Anatomy? Wonder what the big deal is about KSK and With Leather? Curious why my head was bleeding today?

Find it all in a new podcast. (Click to play, right click to save.)

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Not So Special

BlogI had a late night yesterday due to a work event and got home well after everyone was asleep. After I wound down some, I started to get ready for bed and saw that Maria had my toothbrush out on the counter with toothpaste already on it.

Since we wouldn't see each other much today because of another night event or over the weekend because of seperate social events, I thought it was a very sweet thing for her to do. A simple gesture that made me feel special, made me know she was thinking about me even though I wasn't around.

So I thanked for for it this morning and she said, "Oh, I just grabbed yours by accident and didn't want to waste the toothpaste so I laid it there."

So much for feeling special. :)
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My Poor, Poor Brackets

BlogLast year, I had an amazing March Madness. I picked Florida to win and entered three money pools, which meant I had a little extra spending cash come early April. I think I got a little cocky this year and am paying for it. I am only in two money pools this year, which is a good thing because the last one would have been a waste of cash.

$10 pool - 14th place, but I have Wisconsin winning so that one doesn't look good.

$5 pool - 12th and 14th place. One sheet has Wisconsin winning so, again, I'm in the crapper there. The other one has a shot, but it requires me to root for Ohio State.

Fun pool - Sixth place. Figures, the one I am doing best in won't win me any money.
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Happy St. Patrick's Day


I don't have any big plans. I shoveled an ass-load of snow this morning, which would have been worse if my wife hadn't shoveled a bunch yesterday before I got home from work. This storm sucks.

I'll hang out today, watch hoops, soccer and NCAA wrestling. Maria works so after I put Bridget to bed, I'll do a little of this.

Enjoy and be safe.

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March Madness

BlogOne of the greatest days of the year and I have a lunch meeting at noon.

UPDATE: Lunch meeting canceled. There is a God.