The 2005 Brians

Posted inColumns, Movies, The Brians

I really like the fact that so much controversy surrounds Chris Rock hosting tonight’s Academy Awards ceremony. While people gossip over whether the comedian respects the Oscars, the Brians have had the opportunity to sail under the radar.

Yes, it’s that time of year again when I give away awards for the best in film … that I saw the previous year.

We have six films eligible, the same as the last two years. Voters – and there is a change there – had to choose from “Dodgeball,” “Starsky & Hutch,” “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy,” “The Aviator,” “Ocean’s Twelve,” and “Home on the Range,” the first animated film nominated for a Brian.

I changed the voting a little at the behest of a friend named, coincidentally, Brian. He didn’t see why he should be disqualified from voting since, in the spirit of Jeff Spicoli, these are our awards.

If you don’t get that joke, go rent “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.”

Anyway, without any further ado, the 2005 Brians.

I Know Art and This Isn’t Him

Posted inColumns, Things I Hate

I have never visited Central Park in New York. But if I ever had, I don’t think I would look up the sky and think, “They should put some sheets up there.” Yet that’s exactly what performance “artists” Christo and Jeanne-Claude have done.

Their “exhibit “Gates” opened this week and a million bored people have visited the park to walk underneath huge saffron banners. They have spread 7,500 gates across 23 miles of pathways.

I’m sorry, but if that’s art, I’m getting into this racket.

Wedgies for Peace

Posted inColumns, Stupid Nicknames

As Americans, we owe a great debt to our heroes. I’m not talking about soldiers and sailors, but the real heroes that protect us from harm within our borders. State legislators.

We have a new hero in Virginia by the name of Algie T. Howell Jr.

Besides surviving numerous beatings as a teenager for the name “Algie,” he has made a great contribution to American politics.

Algie is protecting us from our underwear.

Bobsled Dreams

Posted inColumns

I have looked back at my past few columns and noticed a disturbing trend. I have seemed angry at something – the thermostat, American Idol, people driving in the snow. I don’t like being angry.

Maybe the weather has me down. Maybe the fact that the Game Show Network hasn’t shown “Kenny vs. Spenny” in months is starting to catch up to me. Maybe the thought of the phrase “Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles” has me confused.

All that changes this week. I’ll make things more upbeat by talking about something that will make all of us smile – my future as an Olympic bobsledder.