Growing Together By Staying Apart

Posted inColumns, Family

Sometimes I wonder how I have remained married for more than 11 years. The odds are stacked against us.

First of all, Maria could care less about the NFL standings or who will be the next coach of the U.S. Men’s soccer team. How can I raise a child with someone so disinterested in these important matters?

When we go to the annual Super Bowl party at a friend’s house, she cares more about the commercials than the game. That’s just wrong.

Then there’s our problem with bananas. My wife actually thinks that it is better to wait to eat a banana until the fruit has developed some brown spots on the skin.

Stop Smittens

Posted inColumns, Things I Hate

As a nation, we agree on so few things. We all understand that Tom Cruise is pretty freaky, and that Paris Hilton is pretty yukky and that Scarlett Johansson is pretty dreamy.

But we have something now to rally around that goes way beyond the lives of the rich and famous.

We must band together to stop Smittens.

500 Channels and Lots of Stuff On

Posted inColumns, TV

I have received some very bad news. I didn’t contract some terrible disease or lose my job or anything like that. This bad news came in a letter from my cable company.

They have decided to add a bunch of channels.

Why is this bad news? Well, I don’t think I’ll see my wife or daughter again once the channels hit my set unless they come down to the basement to see me.

Shopping Time is Almost Here

Posted inColumns

The time to Christmas shop has almost arrived. Yes, I know some people have already started. A select few crazies have even wrapped up their shopping. That’s just crazy.

Christmas shopping should not begin until we finish with Thanksgiving. I don’t see how anyone can really focus on buying presents without suffering through a tryptophan coma.

The Return of Parcheesi

Posted inBoard Games, Columns

We celebrated a very special moment in our house last week. I honestly thought of calling CNN so they could break into whatever trite election coverage they had on at the moment. This was that big.

My wife played Parcheesi with me.

Bridget has developed a great love for playing board games. We have encouraged this because it’s something we can all do better and – I can’t believe I am saying this – a game of Chutes and Ladders or Mancala is better for a kid than watching TV or playing a video game.

Both Maria and I grew up playing a lot of games so we enjoy this diversion. Well, we do most of the time. Like all kids, Bridget likes to win and sometimes goes a little too far in her quest for victory.

Sometimes she learns a lesson. But sometimes she makes a little sad face and decides she doesn’t want to play anymore.

Which brings us to the momentous decision by my wife to open up the Parcheesi box.

I Want a New Drug

Posted inColumns, Making an Idiot Out of Myself

Because of my background as an athlete, I try to tough it out sometimes. I also think I get this trait because of my four older brothers. While growing up, I had to learn that calling for Mom’s help too soon might get me more noogies than I had originally anticipated.

Regardless, I tend to not complain much about physical ailments. That contributed a lot to me waiting so long before getting my heart and cholesterol level checked out earlier this fall.

In the end, the tests showed that I was just being a big baby worrying about my heart, but I did have to start paying attention to my cholesterol.

I knew this day would come. Some of my siblings have this problem. A lot of other people do. I didn’t expect to be spared. So now I take a pill each night.

But I didn’t expect one pill each night to make me feel so old. It’s not the side effects or anything. I just feel old having to take care of a serious condition before I turn 40.

This is where my usual non-complaining gene kicks in. I know others have it a lot worse than I do, and I should be happy that I know about the problem sooner rather than later.

Still I felt old. And stupid. At least after the first night I got the medication.

Save Tag

Posted inAmerica, Columns

I don’t ever plan on moving from this area. I have friends here. I like the community. Hanover now feels like home. But if I ever did plan on packing up, I would never consider moving to Attleboro, Mass.

The city less than an hour from Boston made it onto my naughty list this week when school officials announced that they had made strides at making their school safer.

They didn’t enact some new gun-control policy. Or install metal detectors. They banned tag.

Yes, tag. The game, not the hideous body spray. Banning that would actually probably have more of a public benefit than banning the game. But that would make sense.

Language Barrier

Posted inColumns, Family, TV

Several best-selling books over the years have discussed how men and women see the world differently. Some of the books even say that the genders speak completely different languages.

Apparently, that’s not good enough for my wife. She has started to take Spanish lessons.

Many people might see something like this as a good sign. Many people might encourage their spouse to broaden their knowledge.

Not me. I know she’s just going to use this against me.

A Real Education

Posted inColumns, Family

When I was growing up, I thought I had a pretty good view of the world. After all, I knew kids who went to a whole lot of different private schools. Now that I have watched my daughter go through one year and a few weeks of public school, I realize how much I didn’t know back then.

I have had nieces and nephews go through public school, and my wife is a public school graduate.

But I’m finding out little by little that my image of public school is way out of whack with reality.

No Kentucky Solution

Posted inColumns, Travel

I learn something new every time I visit a new place. Sometimes, I glean a new historical fact or expose myself to a food or drink I have never had.

When I visited the Cincinnati area recently, I discovered something entirely different. Apparently, Covington, Ky., doesn’t sell contact lens solution.