Save Tag

Posted inAmerica, Columns

I don’t ever plan on moving from this area. I have friends here. I like the community. Hanover now feels like home. But if I ever did plan on packing up, I would never consider moving to Attleboro, Mass.

The city less than an hour from Boston made it onto my naughty list this week when school officials announced that they had made strides at making their school safer.

They didn’t enact some new gun-control policy. Or install metal detectors. They banned tag.

Yes, tag. The game, not the hideous body spray. Banning that would actually probably have more of a public benefit than banning the game. But that would make sense.

Language Barrier

Posted inColumns, Family, TV

Several best-selling books over the years have discussed how men and women see the world differently. Some of the books even say that the genders speak completely different languages.

Apparently, that’s not good enough for my wife. She has started to take Spanish lessons.

Many people might see something like this as a good sign. Many people might encourage their spouse to broaden their knowledge.

Not me. I know she’s just going to use this against me.

A Real Education

Posted inColumns, Family

When I was growing up, I thought I had a pretty good view of the world. After all, I knew kids who went to a whole lot of different private schools. Now that I have watched my daughter go through one year and a few weeks of public school, I realize how much I didn’t know back then.

I have had nieces and nephews go through public school, and my wife is a public school graduate.

But I’m finding out little by little that my image of public school is way out of whack with reality.

No Kentucky Solution

Posted inColumns, Travel

I learn something new every time I visit a new place. Sometimes, I glean a new historical fact or expose myself to a food or drink I have never had.

When I visited the Cincinnati area recently, I discovered something entirely different. Apparently, Covington, Ky., doesn’t sell contact lens solution.

The HDTV Saga of Ought Six

Posted inBoycotts, Columns, TV

I love television. I think I have made that abundantly clear over the past few years. But the funny thing is that I’m not picky about the television I watch, which seems a bit counterintuitive. I tried to change that last week, but a retailer wouldn’t let me.

No Roughing It

Posted inColumns, Family

A few weeks ago, I got to enjoy something very special. Solitude.

Bridget and Maria went away for a few days to visit some friends. I had already used up too much vacation and had to stay home. Plus, I didn’t want to go.

I didn’t enjoy being away from my wife and daughter for four days. Sure, I got to eat bad food and play lots of video games, but I missed them.

I just couldn’t bring myself to go to their vacation destination.

Coffee and Ice Don’t Mix

Posted inAmerica, Columns, Things I Hate

We all have suffered through the heat in recent weeks. At times, it has been almost unbearable. The heat has been so bad, I think some people have lost control of their faculties. I point to the proliferation of iced coffee drinks as evidence.

I remember the first time I heard of iced coffee. Someone asked me to make it for them when I worked food service at Harborplace in Baltimore.

I knew something was wrong, and I didn’t even drink regular coffee at the time. Now that I have fully committed myself to caffeine addiction, I understand even more why iced coffee is so, so wrong.

Cornhole Champ

Posted inBeach, Columns, Cornhole, Family

As a younger man, I had a decent athletic career. I was a pretty good wrestler in high school and managed to compete all four years in college with a record near .500. Since then, I haven’t done so much. Sure, I had some success coaching in Maryland, but left that all behind six years ago.

The tables turned a few weeks ago on vacation. I returned to my championship form.

Not in wrestling though. This time, I conquered cornhole.

Deprived Childhood

Posted inColumns, Family, Travel

I feel sorry for my wife. And not just because she has to put up with me and my bad jokes. I recently have learned that she suffered through a deprived childhood.

As a child, Maria only went on one vacation. One. Uno. That’s it. One trip to the beach when she was little and nothing else.

I love my wife’s parents, but wonder what made them abuse her like that.

Tooth Fairy Lessons

Posted inColumns, Family

We have one less tooth in the house these days. No, I’m not getting prematurely old. And Maria didn’t wise up and finally slug me. Bridget lost her first tooth.

Like most things around our house, we couldn’t have a simple, sweet moment. There has to be comedy attached to the whole process.