Grills Need to Have Coolers Attached – Regular Guy

The Circle of Life

brian — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 14:47:19 +0000

When we suffer a tragic loss, the best way to move on is to find meaningful something to fill the void. I can’t wait for that part if the grieving process.

With the nice weather a week or so ago, I decided we needed to cook out on the grill. After all, we could run around outside all day. What good is that without the smell of meat wafting through the air?

So I picked up some chicken from the store and got the fire started. These days, that takes a little work because the igniter in my gas grill – which is at least a decade old – doesn’t really work anymore.

I have to turn on the gas and slide one of those long, thin lighter things into the hole by where the propane is released. Naturally, I lean back as far as I can to make sure I don’t lose any valuable hair.

The fire started, and I threw the chicken on the grill. After a little while, I noticed something strange. The fire didn’t seem to spread naturally and was coming up above the grill rack and heating things up a little more than I wanted.

After a minute or two of investigation, I realized the little metal thingy (I think that is the technical term) which spread the flame evenly had come dislodged so that the flame came up one side completely unfettered.

We looked closer and noticed that not only had it shifted, but rust had seemed to take over part of it. For a moment, I got sad because I didn’t want anything bad to happen to the grill. Then I realized the wonderful silver lining.

I could go grill shopping.

I do few things better in this world than lusting over grills at a store. I can stand there for hours and compare the various racks and accouterments that come with the modern gas grill. I can pretend I understand why the number of BTUs matters when I am only usually cooking for the three of us. And don’t even get me started on my ideas for the use of side burners.

For years I have wasted this skill because my frugality kept me from getting a new grill. I had a perfectly good unit at home so I just browsed.

Now I get to do the real deal. I can truly use my imagination as I stroke my chin and decide which one I will look best standing behind on a hot summer day with a cold beer in one hand and a pair of tongs in the other.

I’ll still get one of the least expensive models since I don’t really need something with more than a few burners and really have no use for multiple side burners. But I can still pretend that I will eventually buy those things.

That all plays a role in the process I need to go through to come to grips with the expiration of my old grill. I have cooked a lot of chicken and too many burgers to count on that old soldier. But now it’s time has come to make room for another grill.

It’s all part of the circle of life. A juicy, meaty, smoky circle of life.

A Nation Weeps

brian — Sun, 29 May 2005 17:56:20 +0000

We need the greatest minds in America to step up. A great public injustice can be solved using the same kind of forward thinking that put a man on the moon, developed digital cable and made supersizing possible. We don’t have enough gas grills with coolers attached.

I had the same reaction you probably just had. Shock, disappointment, hunger.

Men walk this earth with very few reasons for existing. Cooking meat over an open fire is one of them.

This is grueling work. While grilling steaks, shrimp or chicken, our minds could wander to something important, like that one part of the South Park movie where the kids keep asking if there will be punch and pie at the resistance meeting.

I love that part. Now, where was I?

Yeah, grilling. This can take a lot out of a guy and we all know that staying hydrated is very important. Grill manufacturers haven’t completely caught onto this.

Theoretically, I could walk into the kitchen and get a beer or a soda or some water if I got parched.

But have we really evolved so we can walk to another room for a drink when we get thirsty?

We need convenience. We need luxury. We need to remain standing still so that we won’t lose our train of thought and burn the meat.

This is not an unrealistic request. The people who make grills have done wonderful things over the years. You can now buy almost any size grill with an extra burner to keep things warm.

But what about when we want something cold? To be honest, I’m surprised this kind of dilemma hasn’t sparked wide-scale riots across the country.

Shouldn’t Congress get involved at some point? This is a matter of national importance. Who cares about federal judges when the men of this great country have to walk inside to get a beer or soda?

Does someone have to die halfway to the refrigerator for people to take notice?

The fine people at Cal Spas have developed a spectacular line of grilling islands, many of which include a refrigerator. But I need something more mobile, something more convenient, something that won’t cause my wife to consider leaving me.

I actually did find one portable grill that included a cooler, but this thing took up the entire bottom half of the grill and really looked awkward.

We need to get those scientists into the lab to find a way to install a small cooler on the side of a grill. I only want room for a few drinks.

Sure, I could use a small bottle opener installed on the front, but that’s not a deal breaker. Luckily, the scientists have mastered the technology that combines a keychain with a bottle opener.

That’s the kind of genius we need to recapture.

This country was founded upon the dual principle of liberty and justice. We have given the world combinations like peanut butter and jelly. Why can’t we have warm meat and cold beer together?

A nation weeps.