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	<title>Shea for President &#8211; Regular Guy</title>
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		<title>Shea for President</title>
		<link>https://regularguycolumn.com/blog/?p=203</link>
					<comments>https://regularguycolumn.com/blog/?p=203#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[brian]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 19 Nov 2007 00:15:13 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Columns]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Shea for President]]></category>
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					<description><![CDATA[A little more than three years ago, I laid out a bold plan for a Shea presidency. I had just turned 35, and the election was just about a month away when I threw my hat in the ring. As...]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>A little more than three years ago, I laid out a bold plan for a Shea  presidency. I had just turned 35, and the election was just about a month away  when I threw my hat in the ring.</p>
<p>As you can tell, the people ignored my  progressive agenda. They didn&#8217;t care about free ice cream cones for children,  the elimination of all televisions under 30 inches, and a national edict for  pizza at dinner every Friday.</p>
<p>That has not fazed me. This time, I will have  just under a year to spread the word about why I should be the next resident of  1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.</p>
<p><span id="more-203"></span>At least I think I want to live there. I might  commute. That would probably be bad policy with the insane gas prices, but I  really enjoy listening to the radio in the morning. Plus, I have put some work  into the basement here that I wouldn&#8217;t want to go to waste.</p>
<p>We could use our  house as sort of a vacation home, but it doesn&#8217;t sound impressive when the  President drives two hours to get away from work. Plus, we don&#8217;t have a compound  or anything, and I think the Constitution requires that or a ranch for your  second home.</p>
<p>Anyway, I have a lot of time to decide all that stuff. I have a  lot of important promises I need to make to the people before I start worrying  about the details.</p>
<p>I will promise that you will know everything about me. I  already told the world about the time I tumbled down Federal Hill in Baltimore.  You won&#8217;t have to worry about secret backroom deals because I have a serious  inability to keep my mouth shut.</p>
<p>And that will make the press conferences  much more fun, especially when I go into a tangent about what I watched on TV  the night before. I won&#8217;t ignore important things like foreign policy, but more  people are probably interested in my take on the latest episode of &#8220;Kid Nation&#8221;  more than some treaty with France or Japan.</p>
<p>Here are a few other things I  will set out to do after I win the election next year:</p>
<ul>
<li>I will  immediately set up a commission to approve all names for new children. Rampant  misuse of the letter Y and other issues will be discussed.</li>
<li>The day after  the Super Bowl will become a national holiday.</li>
<li>All Christmas shopping will  be banned until the Saturday after Thanksgiving. This will allow us to enjoy the  holiday season and eliminate the madness of Black Friday.</li>
<li>Four-day  workweeks.</li>
<li>Only girls under 12 and women working in their garden can wear  Crocs. Boys caught wearing them will be sent to a re-education camp. I don&#8217;t  even want to discuss what will happen to men caught wearing them.</li>
<li>I will  install Neil Diamond&#8217;s &#8220;America&#8221; as our new national anthem. I know this is a  holdover from my 2004 campaign, but it&#8217;s that important.</li>
</ul>
<p>I have a lot of  other ideas, but this should set the political world on fire. Don&#8217;t look for me  in any of the debates, though. If Hillary and Rudy want to compare our positions  on Social Security, they can come down and have a drink in the basement with me.</p>
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