Clothing – Regular Guy

Searching for the Perfect Pair

brian — Tue, 15 Mar 2022 00:10:34 +0000

Not all sweatpants are created the same.

I have come to understand this truism over the past six months or so. Blame the pandemic.

I appreciated sweatpants long before COVID-19 appeared. But the way I lived my life – constantly running from activity to activity – meant that I did not get to wear them as much as I wanted.

And even when we found ourselves isolated at home, I probably wore them less than other people. I can only blame myself for that.

I feel like I need to put what we call “hard pants” on in the morning before I start working. I really had trouble motivating myself without getting dressed up at least a little bit. That meant I didn’t change into sweats until the evening usually.

But I found myself unhappy with my sweatpants situation as we approached cold weather late last year. So I invested in a few more pairs. This is where the inequality of sweatpants comes into play.

I generally rotate through four pairs of sweatpants (with some pajama bottoms occasionally thrown in on weekends when hard pants just aren’t going to happen). And I have even started changing out of my jeans around lunch to rock sweats for the rest of the day.

There is clearly a pecking order to these pants. At the top are the two pairs that are a little thinner fabric-wise. The other two pairs rank lower even though they keep me warmer. Again, I can only blame myself for this.

One pair – which I actually bought at the very beginning of the pandemic – suffers from a fatal flaw. They have no pockets. I can’t understand how anyone lets this happen in the manufacturing process. Who makes sweatpants without pockets? I still try to slide my phone into a pocket when I wear them.

When I bought another pair of thick sweats late last year, I checked very carefully to make sure that they had pockets. They do and are very comfortable. I missed one other thing though. The drawstring has these metal tips that clink around whenever you walk.

I probably like those sweatpants the most, bt I like wearing them the least. So the thin sweatpants win out for now as I remind myself to check for yet another thing in the product description in my search for the perfect pair of sweatpants.

How I Pulled One Over on Lands End

brian — Fri, 20 Dec 2013 16:24:55 +0000

Well, not really, but I made out nicely. Some of the details will be scarce since it involves Christmas gifts for my wife, but the gist will be clear.

I went online the other day to order some things my wife had expressed an interest in. After I added them to the shopping cart, I poked around the site a little to see if I could find any other goodies to put under the tree. She really likes Lands End clothing so it was worth a shot.

Something caught my eye and, while she may have ended up returning it, I figured it was worth a shot because of the good price so I added it to my cart. Then I decided to check out.

While going through that process, I noticed the total of my order – $49.98. Lands End has a habit of kicking in discounts and special deals at the $50 level. This time it involved free shipping. I had a moment of pause.

The regular shipping would get the items to me by Christmas. That cost $8. If I wanted to realistically add something to my cart to get over $50, I would probably spend at least $8 so chasing the free shipping made absolutely no sense. I just had to suck it up and place the order.

As I looked at the e-mail confirmation, I noticed an e-mail address for any feedback on the transaction. So I sent them a quick note telling them I am a loyal customer and wondered if I could get the free shipping since I came so close to the $50 target.

They got back to me within a few hours with a fairly canned response (note to retailers who do this sort of thing – make sure the font style and size of the message that the customer service people paste into the e-mail matches the rest of what they type) that pretty much shot down my idea of cutting me a break. But I figured it was worth one more shot.

I sent a very simple message: “So no love for being two cents off?”

Just a little over two hours yet, I got the message I wanted to see. They had decided to manually override the shipping charge because I came so close to $50. I really appreciated it since this kind of service really breeds customer loyalty.

But that isn’t really how I pulled one over on them. I mentioned that the item I went out on a limb to purchase came at a good price, right? In fact, the color I wanted was no longer available in the size I needed because it was on sale. I liked the color I picked, but knew that this was an item either in demand or at the end of its life.

The shipping notice came just a little while ago. That item was no longer available, and that part of my order had been cancelled. But I still got the free shipping even though my order was less than half of $50.

I never would have been close to the $50 threshold without the cancelled item so I ended up catching a huge break. Remember, it never hurts to nicely ask these companies for some special service. Sometimes, it works out more in your favor than you could ever imagine.

Uniform Confusion

brian — Tue, 03 Sep 2013 11:26:30 +0000

A friend posted a first day of school picture on Facebook recently. Her son looked ready for his first day of kindergarten at their nearby Catholic school.

I recognized this kind of picture very well. In fact, I have seen many like it, especially as social media provided a ready outlet for these kinds of photos. But this one set me off for some reason.

What has happened to Catholic school uniforms?

I don’t know if I have the complete right to complain about this since I send my daughter to public school, but I suffered through 13 years of school without having any real freedom in my wardrobe so I have walked the walk.

Now I know these kids can’t wear whatever they want, but the schools might as well let them. The cute little boy I saw on Facebook had on a comfortable polo shirt and dark trousers that he could wear pretty much anywhere outside of school.

Where are the ill-fitting grey slacks that you wouldn’t wear to a funeral? Where is the white dress shirt? For the love of God, where is the ugly maroon tie I had to endure through elementary school?

On the surface, the whole point of uniforms is to make everyone look the same and instill a look of discipline. In the background, however, I think someone wanted to make Catholic school children look silly.

Somehow, the schools have lost that edge, Maybe this has to do with fewer nuns in the school. Some of the ones I had carried a bit of a sadistic streak. But even back then, you saw signs of weakness.

At some point in my elementary or middle school career, the uniform changed slightly to compensate for winter weather. Boys could now forego the shirt and tie combo to wear a turtleneck (which had to be white, of course). Girls could also wear a turtleneck, but had one more scandalous exception.

They could wear pants. Yep, my school caused a stir in the early 1980s by letting girls wear grey pants and a turtleneck instead of the always-stylish maroon and grey jumper with a white blouse underneath.

I think all of this falls under the same concept as gateway drugs. You take one thing which leads to another and another and the next thing you know you’re living in the gutter. You start to let boys wear turtlenecks and girls wear pants and the next thing you know uniforms almost turn trendy.

My daughter actually bought the uniform skirt from a local Catholic school in a thrift store because she liked how it looked. Of course her friends who have to wear it every day were appalled, but she thought it looked nice and would go with some of her other clothes,

I’m sure this development led some nuns to roll over in their grave.

That’s why I had trouble looking at that cute little boy on the first day of school. I don’t blame him. I don’t blame his parents. I blame the person who approved the first turtleneck more than 30 years ago. Didn’t they know that parents paid good money to make sure their kids wouldn’t be comfortable at school?

Disaster Averted

brian — Tue, 28 May 2013 12:42:05 +0000

When I get ready in the morning, I don’t always connect the dots. I have to get myself cleaned up, get dressed, grab my lunch and grab my coffee before I hit the road.

Oh, and I need to talk to my wife a little bit. All of this takes place at or before 6 a.m. so I can never guarantee complete success.

I still leave my coffee sitting in the kitchen once in a while. Or I completely forget to fill up my travel mug. Those problems sometimes require a detour to grab coffee from a convenience store, but I sometimes don’t notice until I’m so far off the beaten path that I just need to soldier on and get my caffeine in the office.

I have done a better job over the years at not forgetting my lunch because few things ruin a day at the office more than knowing an awesome lunch sits in the fridge at home.

The getting dressed thing usually comes together with no problems. I might forget to wear a belt on occasion, but don’t have that formal of a workplace so that doesn’t matter much.

What does make a difference is when I do all of these things perfectly, but don’t really think about how Option A affects Decision B. I don’t notice those problems until it’s too late, like when I sat down for lunch at my desk a couple of weeks ago.

I had made my lunch the night before, throwing some leftover pasta into a microwaveable container with some sauce and frozen meatballs. That sounded like a delicious option, and I eagerly sat down a little after noon. That’s when I noticed the problem.

I wore a white shirt to work that day. The ramifications of this decision never crossed my mind as I got dressed. As I said, this is before 6 a.m. so I don’t always take the time to think about how much lunch might affect my wardrobe.

Marinara sauce has had a checkered past with my clothing. My wife once made me take off a white button-down I wore to work when I started to sit down at the table for dinner that night. She has seen what can happen.

Stuck at work with no backup wardrobe, I used a little extra care while eating. I paid closer attention to my surroundings as I twirled the pasta and cut the meatballs. In the end, I made it through the whole meal without spilling anything on my chest.

I felt vindicated. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I overcame my morning inattention to avoid walking around the entire afternoon with pasta stains on my shirt. I have had to do that before. It’s no fun.

A couple of days later I made a fantastic dinner from leftover taco meat and some tortillas we had in the fridge. As I prepared to sit down and dig in, I took a second glance at the white sweater I put on that morning. I thought for a moment before taking it off.

I tempted fate once that week. I didn’t like the odds of making it through another meal without a disaster.

Wardrobe Malfunction

brian — Mon, 14 Jan 2013 17:03:43 +0000

I knew the sound the moment I heard it. Unfortunately, I have experience in this area and started to think about the potential fallout.

The problem was, this all happened while I was in the midst of officiating a youth wrestling event, and I really had no chance to react or even fully assess the situation for a while. Finally, one of the young wrestlers watching the action from the sidelines alerted me to my plight.

“Hey, ref. You have a hole in your pants.”

From the mouths of babes. He was right. As I squatted down to start two little guys for one period, I heard the unmistakable sound of fabric ripping. I hoped I had not ripped too big a hole and pretty much put the problem out of my mind until the kid brought it to my attention.

During my next break, I scooted into the official’s locker room and surveyed the damage. The hole was bigger than I thought (bad news) but right along the seam (good news), meaning my wife could come to the rescue and fix it later in the week. Well, once she finished laughing at me.

Luckily, I wear dark-colored athletic shorts under my pants when I ref. Too much information, I know, but it spared me even further embarrassment. I still didn’t feel 100 percent comfortable sticking with the ripped pants for the rest of the day.

Saying I should just lose weight is easier said than done. I think we all know that. Even though I don’t have a big butt, it can still do some damage on pants when I bend over or squat down a little too quickly.

I did not have any sort of repair kit in my gym bag for this kind of situation. When I started reffing, I made sure to get a pair of pants which not only fit comfortably, but had an expandable waist to try and avoid this kind of situation. I didn’t have a spare pair because I had to officiate again that evening and left all my backup equipment at home for that event.

The school had its training room open, but I couldn’t find any safety pins or anything like that. No one I asked had any, but a woman selling decals and other items to the wrestlers had some black acrylic tape.

She apologized profusely as I stood with my backside facing her so she could se ejust how long of a piece of tape she needed for me. I put the black tape on the inside of the pants along the seam and reinforced it with some duck tape one of my colleagues had in his bag.

Voila!

I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to not reach back and see if the seam had split again. I already had one father jokingly tell me how I was driving the ladies crazy with the split pants so I managed to keep my sense of humor about the whole affair.

I just hoped my entire paycheck from the day doesn’t end up paying for extra pants as well as duck tape, safety pins and anything else I could think of to avoid this situation again.

Pushing the Fashion Envelope

brian — Tue, 22 May 2012 16:53:52 +0000

When I first saw the shoes, I knew I needed to have them, even for a joke. You never know what you will find when the Clark’s store has its warehouse sale. I hit the jackpot this time.

Not the exact shoe, but you get the point

Since I have small feet, the semiannual event can really help me out. I can find a good selection at a really good price. I went in this spring with a few things in mind, but never expected to see this pair of shoes, much less walk out with a pair all of my own.

You see, I don’t have the greatest fashion sense. I have probably covered this in the past, but I’m pretty basic when it comes to clothes. I don’t do “outfits” and stick with a few basic color combinations so that I don’t embarrass myself.

If I don’t go out on a limb, I won’t look like a fool. I can still pull off a pair of madras shorts (or at least I think I can), but I have enough sense now to make sure I own a plain shirt in a coordinating color. When in doubt, I just let my wife decide.

That’s why I worried she would put the kibosh on these shoes. Never in a million years did I think that Maria would encourage me to buy a pair of white suede bucks. But she did, so I decided to get them.

This is what can happen when I see a good sale. Usually I make decisions like this on electronics or some knick knack I think will look good in my man cave (but will never get hung up or installed because I’m just plain old lazy). I don’t impulse buy fashion.

I waited close to a week before I actually bought the shoes for a variety of reasons. First off, the place was a zoo on the day I saw them. Secondly, waiting a week to buy a pair of shoes which don’t fit into my usual wardrobe choices pretty much qualifies as an impulse buy in my book.

I also needed time to run things by some of my friends. I trust my wife’s opinion implicitly – she also agreed that the shoes would work well even as a gag – but I have some male friends who really follow fashion trends. They probably see white bucks as an essential item, not a bargain buy for kicks.

A lot of times, I wonder how we remain friends, especially after an intense discussion recently about packing – they think I pack too little, I think they go way overboard. But they really came in handy as I groped my way through the darkness of fashion-forward thinking.

Once I heard some ideas from them about how to work the bucks into my wardrobe, I really knew I had to get them. I might not even to get a pair of white pants to go with them, although I’m not too thrilled at the prospect of buying a white belt before I qualify for AARP membership.

Now all I need is to find a croquet party or garden brunch to attend.

To Tux or Not to Tux

brian — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 00:19:22 +0000

I felt a little nervous as I studied my computer screen. I really hoped no one would see the image which had my attention.

First off, if the guys from IT at work found out, I might get in trouble. Secondly, my wife would certainly have a problem with me if I clicked the button which had my complete attention.

We all have our weak moments. I didn’t sleep well the night before. I felt a little alone in my cubicle at work. I had a million excuses for what I planned to do.

In the end, common sense won out. Fear played a part in the decision. I didn’t want to walk around with that stain on my reputation for the rest of my life.

Even with that sense of relief, part of me still wishes I had bought that tuxedo I saw for sale on Cyber Monday.

I try not to take part in the early Christmas shopping frenzy, but the deals from a number of online retailers caught my eye the Monday after Thanksgiving. I checked back periodically while at work.

My plan included maybe getting one or two things from my shopping list if I got lucky. I also had a price point in mind for a new TV or other worthy home gadget.

Then I saw the tuxedo. I really only took a closer look to have something to laugh about. Then I saw the price and started to have serious thoughts.

Sure, I don’t ever go to the kinds of events where I would need a tuxedo, but that might change someday, right? They say you should dress for the job you want, not the job you have. What’s wrong with dressing for a future potential social engagement?

Those kind of ideas pop into your brain – well, into my brain – when you see a $500 tuxedo marked down to around $150. Somehow I managed to brush off buying a TV for $170 because I had doubts about whether I would like it enough, but I gave serious consideration to a piece of clothing I had no idea if I would ever wear for just $20 more.

I didn’t know whether to get the two-button style or go all out for the three-button jacket. They didn’t charge you more for the extra button. I stared at the screen wondering if I should pull the trigger.

Then I thought about my wife. She has taught me a lot about making smarter decisions with my money. She hasn’t gone out and bought any fancy ball gowns lately so why would she think I would need a tuxedo. That thought played a huge role in my ultimate decision.

What I didn’t think about was the reaction I would get when I told her about how I even considered buying a tux. She might stop laughing soon, but I doubt it.

Things would have been different if she saw me in the tux when she came home from work one day. A whole lot different.

She probably would have laughed even more, maybe even $150 worth of laughter. I wonder if the tux is still on sale.

Fashion Sense

brian — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 13:24:13 +0000

The middle school had a very important event last week. As part of some sort of Spirit Week, Bridget and the other kids had a chance to dress up for “80s Day” one day.

Since Maria and I went to high school and college right in the meat of that decade, we got pretty excited. Who doesn’t love a good tribute to the 80s?

So Maria dusted off some of her yearbooks to get some ideas for an outfit. She wanted to find something different like the old favorites of the Madonna look or the Flashdance off-the-shoulder sweatshirt.

I have an automatic reaction against the Flashdance look because one of my best friends and I snuck into the theater to see the movie with his older brother. None of us were old enough since it was rated R so we bought tickets to something else.

We hated Flashdance. Someone working at he theater caught us trying to sneak into a totally different movie and made us go back to watch Jennifer Beals dance some more. I will never forgive that person.

All that aside, the look inspired by that movie does scream 1980s as much as Madonna’s lace and Don Johnson’s pastel shirts. The funny thing is that a school full of kids dressed up that way last week when I never knew anyone who dressed like that 25 years ago.

Sure, I went to an all-boy’s private high school where I had to wear a shirt and tie every day, but we never dressed like the icons of the 80s in our spare time. I always laugh at some of the getups when I see pictures of people dressing like the 80s because the preppie look is never represented.

That’s the cliché I remember best. There’s nothing wrong with honoring those other cliches. I just find it funny that a whole decade is now defined by something I don’t ever remember seeing anyone wear.

That’s why the best advice we had for our daughter was to wear a jean jacket with some funny pins on it. We couldn’t think of anything else that really defined the 80s beyond the standard fare.

I remember jeans with a turtleneck sweater underneath a crewneck sweater. I remember way too short OP shorts. I remember Docksiders and Sperry Topsiders, with no socks of course. I remember t-shirts, especially those Co-Ed Naked (insert sport here) ones.

That is, when we wore t-shirts at all. As friends post old pictures from college on Facebook, the guys I hung around with all seemed to have difficulty wearing a shirt on a nice day. I don’t remember spending so many sunny days shirtless, but the evidence is right there.

If we had a son, I don’t think we could have gotten away with putting him in a pair of shorts and sending to school without a shirt to celebrate 80s Day. Sometimes you just have to give into the cliches instead of experiencing the real thing, I guess.

Fit to be Tied

brian — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 00:53:21 +0000

When I started my new job a little over a year ago, I made sure to dress nicely on the first day.

I wore a shirt, tie and jacket like I had at previous jobs. The jacket matched the pants I wore pretty well, so much so that people thought I had worn a suit.

My boss pulled me aside later in the day, told me she appreciated that I cared so much about my appearance, but that I didn’t need to dress that well each day.

I inquired further and found out that I didn’t even need to wear a tie each day. Better yet, I could wear jeans on Fridays as long as I didn’t have to meet with anyone important.

Score.

I had waited so long for this. That’s not a slight at my previous two jobs. The dress expectations made perfect sense. But the jobs I held in the newspaper industry before that usually allowed me to dress pretty casually.

I relished the idea of just putting on a shirt and nice pants without worrying about which tie would match. I really appreciated the opportunity to throw on a pair of jeans at the end of the week before heading to work.

Sure, it didn’t equal the fun of wearing shorts to cover a baseball game in the summer or throwing on sweatpants to work an overnight shift in the newsroom, but I really liked this new dress code. The change made perfect sense because it continued a pattern I have witnessed my whole life.

I started out by going to Catholic school where I had to wear a tie all the way through high school. Then I got to college and could wear whatever I want. That transitioned easily into my carefree newspaper days with the exception of a couple of years when I had to look the part of a professional news reporter.

When I went into public relations, the ties came back out for eight years up until last December. The problem with my new situation is that I kind of miss my ties after a year.

I don’t really miss wearing them with some of my shirts which are a little tight around the neck. But I do have some shirts which really don’t look as good without a tie. I also have some pretty cool ties which I wish I could wear once in a while.

Nothing about my new job prevents me from wearing a tie when I feel like it. I just never seriously consider the idea. I see the rack of ties hanging there every morning and have a fleeting idea about grabbing one, then I remember that I don’t have to or something shiny catches my attention so I get ready for work like usual.

With the new year under way, I might just change that. Maybe I’ll throw a tie on once in a while to mix up the routine. Of course I’ll have to answer questions and endure jokes for a while about why I decided to wear a tie, but that won’t be too bad.

I just need to remember no sweatpants at work. I miss those days, but not enough to push the envelope that far.

Fit to be Tied

brian — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 09:01:49 +0000

I went to work one day a few weeks ago in a Maria-approved outfit. I don’t always have my wife sign off on what I wear, but this particular shirt and tie combination worried me the first time I wore it, so I got her OK.

I had worn the same thing a bunch of other times without incident, but I happened to see some female co-workers at lunch. Let’s just say they found my attire less than acceptable.

“What are you wearing? Did your wife see you before you left the house?”

I felt bad when I told them my stylish wife did indeed know that I went out into public looking like that. They said something about too many stripes and colors, and I went on my way. I haven’t even thought of putting that shirt and that tie together again even though I think they look pretty swell together.

All this just proves that I still have no clue of what looks good together when I get dressed. I blame the nuns.

From kindergarten through eighth grade, I didn’t have a choice at what I wore to school. Well, I did as I approached junior high when my school relaxed the dress code and let us choose a white turtleneck instead of a white shirt and maroon tie during the winter months.

Ah, freedom.

Things only got a little better in high school. We had to wear a jacket and tie so I had plenty of opportunity to either screw up or learn how to look fashionable. I don’t remember doing either. Most of my energy went to finding ways I could avoid wearing my suit coat as much as possible.

All of those fashion issues took place during the 1980s so I don’t know whether it was a good thing that I didn’t have much choice in what I wore. I still do have a “preppy” look, but don’t know how to make that fit into current fashion trends. I am, however, smart enough never to pop my collar.

Since I have spent much of the last 34 years wearing a tie, you would think that I might have picked up a tip or two about how to pick ones that go well with certain shirts and how to make that decision work with a pair of pants.

I think I get it right sometimes and usually do have Maria give me a once-over before I head out in anything I’m not to sure about. But then my friends went all Simon Cowell on me, and I’m feeling a little gun shy.

This is why I change pretty much the minute I come home from work. I have grown to feel comfortable in my work clothes, but know when the time has come to just throw on a pair of sweat pants or even my pajamas right after dinner.

Around the house, we cal it quitting or retiring early. I only wish I had that option the day I wore that shirt and tie together.

I would have been much more productive that day in my PJs.