As Americans, we owe a great debt to our heroes. I\u2019m not talking about soldiers and sailors, but the real heroes that protect us from harm within our borders. State legislators.<\/p>\n
We have a new hero in Virginia by the name of Algie T. Howell Jr.<\/p>\n
Besides surviving numerous beatings as a teenager for the name \u201cAlgie,\u201d he has made a great contribution to American politics.<\/p>\n
Algie is protecting us from our underwear.<\/p>\n
A bill sponsored by Algie was well on its way to becoming law in Virginia. If it passed, anyone who \u201cexposes his (or her) below-waist undergarments in an offensive manner\u201d could have been fined $50.<\/p>\n
This legislation prompts two questions.<\/p>\n
First, why does Algie want plumbers to pull up their pants? And how will we ever be able to face the French when they find out we have a lawmaker named Algie?<\/p>\n
Actually, plumbers and other tradesmen should be OK, according to one newspaper report. All the debate centers around how young people will be targeted because of the baggy pants and low-riding jeans that allow underwear to stick out the top.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you want to show your underwear in your private home, I don’t have any objections,\u201d Algie told a newspaper, which makes you wonder how much time he has spent developing that theory, but that\u2019s another column for another day.<\/p>\n
Maybe Algie\u2019s worried about exposed underwear because someone who thought Algie was a funny name made sure that the future lawmaker had a steady diet of wedgies in middle school.<\/p>\n
I propose we ban wedgies instead of exposed underwear. Or give people who propose silly laws a wedgie in public.<\/p>\n
I never knew that underwear had taken up such a big role in the moral decline of the country. I see people like this every once in a while, but I just avert my eyes.<\/p>\n
Now I know that I should have been more vigilant. Algie \u2013 I can\u2019t say that name without giggling \u2013 has set me straight.<\/p>\n
\u201cTo vote for this bill would be a vote for character, to uplift your community and to do something good not only for the state of Virginia, but for this entire country,\u201d Algie said.<\/p>\n
Yes, stopping people from having their underwear stick out from their pants will change all of America. Wow.<\/p>\n
What cracks me up is that the law doesn\u2019t seem to address people who just wear underwear in public. Algie may open a Pandora\u2019s box here.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know about you, but I worry about people who spend this much time thinking about underwear.<\/p>\n
This is actually not the first time that a bill like this has been proposed. Louisiana looked at a similar measure last year, but common sense prevailed and the bill failed.<\/p>\n
Algie at least succeeded in getting the bill passed in the state house. Luckily the Senate brought sanity back to Virginia and shot down the bill.<\/p>\n
If they hadn\u2019t, I say we shouuld have headed down and gave them all wedgies. Then we could call the cops and have them fined because their underwear was sticking out.<\/p>\n
That would teach them a lesson.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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