I have looked back at my past few columns and noticed a disturbing trend. \tI have seemed angry at something \u2013 the thermostat, American Idol, people driving in the snow. I don\u2019t like being angry.<\/p>\n
Maybe the weather has me down. Maybe the fact that the Game Show Network hasn\u2019t shown \u201cKenny vs. Spenny\u201d in months is starting to catch up to me. Maybe the thought of the phrase \u201cSuper Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles\u201d has me confused.<\/p>\n
All that changes this week. I\u2019ll make things more upbeat by talking about something that will make all of us smile \u2013 my future as an Olympic bobsledder.<\/p>\n
Over the past month or so, I have found myself obsessed with the bobsled coverage on the Speed Channel. Each week, they show two or three races featuring the world\u2019s best bobsledders.<\/p>\n
Now I know what I want to be when I grow up.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t want to drive the sled \u2013 I\u2019m not clinically insane. I just want to help push the thing. Where else can you work for five seconds, then go for the ride of your life?<\/p>\n
I know I can be the perfect person for the third seat in a four-man bobsled. I don\u2019t want to sit in the back because he\u2019s in deep trouble for a crash. Plus, he\u2019s in charge of the brake.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t want to sit right behind the driver because I\u2019d probably spend the entire ride screaming in his ear, and I don\u2019t think that would be good for his concentration.<\/p>\n
I have this all figured out. There\u2019s just one thing holding up the whole process. According to the announcers, the guys who push the sled are generally world-class athletes.<\/p>\n
If you have seen me lately, you know that\u2019s not the case. If you have ever seen me, you know that\u2019s not the case.<\/p>\n
The best pushers in the world are usually former decathletes. Those are the guys who compete in 10 different track and field events over a two-day period.<\/p>\n
Sometimes I drink 10 beers over a two-day period. I don\u2019t think that\u2019s the training regimen that the bobsled coaches have in mind for their future stars, however.<\/p>\n
Despite those obstacles, I\u2019m not going to give up.<\/p>\n
I plan on putting together a workout regimen to make this dream come true. Starting tomorrow, of course, because you can\u2019t start a workout regimen on a Sunday, especially Super Bowl Sunday. Everybody knows that.<\/p>\n
I know all this talk probably has people thinking of the ill-fated Jamaican bobsled team immortalized in the movie \u201cCool Runnings.\u201d<\/p>\n
That\u2019s not a bad thing. They took their dream and reached the Olympics. I might have trouble making the U.S. team, especially considering our top team is one of the best in the word, but I have other options.<\/p>\n
Maybe I can gain Irish citizenship somehow. Or maybe some small island will grant me citizenship so I can bring honor and glory to their people, just like those Jamaican guys did.<\/p>\n
I can do it. I know I can. I just need to find two guys to sit in front of me so I don\u2019t chicken out.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have looked back at my past few columns and noticed a disturbing trend. I have seemed angry at something \u2013 the thermostat, American Idol, people driving in the snow. I don\u2019t like being angry. Maybe the weather has me…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-124","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-columns","wpcat-3-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/124","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=124"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/124\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=124"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=124"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=124"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}