Sometimes, I am so proud to live in this country, I get a little misty-eyed. That feeling came over me recently when we started on plans to renovate our bathrooms.\t \tTechnically, our house is listed as having 1.5 bathrooms. That\u2019s being a bit generous.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not knocking our downstairs facilities because I love the setup. I just think calling a commode sitting on a raised platform in between the washer and dryer a half bath is a little fib.<\/p>\n
Yes, our downstairs toilet is a real throne, sitting about a foot off the ground with a shower curtain around it to offer privacy. I wouldn\u2019t trade it for the world.
\nBut until now, you have had to manually fill the tank in order to flush. As we got plans ready to renovate our upstairs bathroom, we also had a new toilet installed downstairs. It\u2019s luxurious \u2013 the tank fills up by itself and everything.<\/p>\n
This is where my patriotic weepiness kicks in. I just wonder if we could have afforded a few more luxuries, however. A simple, white toilet just seems so blah. And not very American.<\/p>\n
Good thing for us, the people at Roto Rooter have thought this thing out. The company that fixes your pipes will now give you \u201cthe best seat in the house.\u201d<\/p>\n
On Wednesday, they will unveil a contest that will ultimately give some lucky guy a \u201cPimped Out John.\u201d<\/p>\n
Roto Rooter has finally found something that all men can get behind. The toilet will have lights, a flat screen HDTV, iPod and dock, TiVo, xBox 360, and DVD player. The throne comes with a laptop so you can check your e-mail, a bullhorn so you can call for more toilet paper and bike pedals for the ultimate in multi-tasking.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s even a beer tap and a fridge in case you get some hunger pangs. And if there’s a plumbing problem, there’s a Roto Rooter emergency button. It’s sort of a version of \u201cOn Star.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ever since I found out this news, I have hardly slept. I toss and turn and think of all the times I have wanted to set the TiVo to record something, but couldn\u2019t because I was, well, indisposed.<\/p>\n
People like to badmouth America sometime, but I think this will shut them up once and for all. We are blessed to have engineers so dedicated that they knew building a toilet with a DVD player, but without HDTV capabilities just wouldn\u2019t be fair.<\/p>\n
Imagine if they didn\u2019t add the bullhorn and some poor guy had to strain his voice, yelling for someone to bring him a fresh roll. Of course, my mother-in-law would want the ultimate throne to have an extra-large TP dispenser since she can\u2019t sleep unless she has 30 rolls or so in the house, but that\u2019s another story.<\/p>\n
I just wish I had known about this contest before we got the ball rolling on these projects. I totally would have developed a contingency plan to get this thing installed in the basement.<\/p>\n
In all honesty though, I don\u2019t mind just as long as I know that somewhere out there, one lucky guy can do his business, play a video game and pour himself a nice cold beer.<\/p>\n
Talk about proud to be an American.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sometimes, I am so proud to live in this country, I get a little misty-eyed. That feeling came over me recently when we started on plans to renovate our bathrooms. Technically, our house is listed as having 1.5 bathrooms. That\u2019s…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-30","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-america","category-columns","wpcat-6-id","wpcat-3-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=30"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=30"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=30"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=30"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}