Mistruth in Advertising

Posted inColumns

At this point in our lives, I think we have all given up on the notion of truth in advertising.

We gladly accept beer commercials that promise beautiful women to an overly chummy group of young men who choose a particular brew. We’re OK with seemingly healthy people talking about how a drug helps them cope with a debilitating disease. We can deal with chain restaurants hawking an “authentic” experience.

But a new set of ads has come along which pretty much demands we stand up as a nation and swat the executives in charge on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

Quoteable

Posted inColumns

Parents can often feel pride about the accomplishments of their children. Maybe they bring home a perfect report card or score the winning goal or have an excellent performance on stage.

But sometimes they make us beam for other reasons. Sometimes your child takes great pleasure in pointing out when people use unnecessary quotes.

As my daughter approaches her teenage years (way too fast for my liking, but that’s another story), she has started to develop the kind of observation-based sense of humor I love.

One day she was talking about her day and told us about a sign she saw somewhere. When she told us about it, she used air quotes when she said one word. I had to stop and question her for a second.

Once I received her answers, I realized I had the double whammy of sarcastic Daddy pride. She understood that the quotes were completely unnecessary and showed us via air quotes with a small eye roll thrown in for good measure.

Morning Dilemma

Posted inCoffee, Columns

Even though I embrace change, I sometimes worry about unnecessarily upsetting my routine.

In order to make things run smoothly around the house, I have adopted a fairly regular morning ritual. I need to leave the house by a specific time in order to avoid certain hassles on my commute.

This means I have planned out the proper wakeup time and do as many things as possible the night before. If I have to load my iPod or make my lunch in the morning, I run the risk of throwing everything else off kilter.

But I have one change which could make or break everything. I could significantly improve my morning experience or make my ride to work intolerable.

I think I need a new travel mug.

To Tux or Not to Tux

Posted inClothing, Columns

I felt a little nervous as I studied my computer screen. I really hoped no one would see the image which had my attention.

First off, if the guys from IT at work found out, I might get in trouble. Secondly, my wife would certainly have a problem with me if I clicked the button which had my complete attention.

We all have our weak moments. I didn’t sleep well the night before. I felt a little alone in my cubicle at work. I had a million excuses for what I planned to do.

In the end, common sense won out. Fear played a part in the decision. I didn’t want to walk around with that stain on my reputation for the rest of my life.

Even with that sense of relief, part of me still wishes I had bought that tuxedo I saw for sale on Cyber Monday.

The Forbidden Question

Posted inColumns, Family, Food

The question did not seem all that controversial. I did not mean to stir up any deep emotions in my wife. I just had a simple inquiry.

But apparently, you can cause a huge uproar in our house just by asking “What’s for dinner?”

I need to provide a little background first. The incident happened on a Saturday night after my wife came home from work. She got a few things out to make dinner, and my curiosity got the best of me.

Earlier in the week, I noticed she had bought a six-pack of sub rolls. They caught my eye because she usually doesn’t buy something like that. I was intrigued and asked what she would use them for.

I got a one word answer: “Dinner.” She likes to do that to me.

Surprise Purchase

Posted inColumns, Family

My wife came home from the store the other day. She had to pick up some very basic items, but something very interesting found its way into the bag.

She bought a new dish rack for the sink. I have mentioned this before, but we don’t have a dishwasher. I count washing the dishes as my main contribution to household chores.

I never asked for a new dish rack. I didn’t know what to make of this development and had a couple of problems with the whole situation.

Happy Anniversary

Posted inColumns

The whole thing took no more than a few seconds.

“I think I want to write a column.”

“OK, send me something.”

That’s the conversation I had with a former features editor at The Evening Sun a little more than 10 years ago. A couple of weeks later, my column started to fill this space. Or some space in the paper because I have moved around from time to time.

The whole motivation came from one place – habit. After about 16 months outside of the newspaper business, I missed writing on a regular basis. My PR job let me write, but I did not get the same feeling of excitement or engagement.

We had a 1-year-old running around the house, and I felt I might have some stories to share. So I did it. With a few exceptions, I have managed to put something in the paper every week since.

Now those 150 or so words might sound like a setup for a farewell column, but nothing could be further from my mind. I just wanted to reflect a little bit on how things have changed from a 33-year-old guy chasing a toddler around the house to a chubbier 43-year-old struggling with the reality of a growing tween.

Costume Conundrum

Posted inCollege, Columns, Halloween

When I saw the kids in the costumes on Trick or Treat night last week, I felt a little envious. Not of the candy because I knew I would dip into my daughter’s stash when she got home. I envied the costumes.

I don’t get much of a chance to celebrate Halloween anymore. We’re really not the “dress up in a couples costume” kind of folks. We do have a party at work, but I just don’t have the energy to go all out for that.

That hasn’t always been the case. I did have some fun costumes at my old job, but once the person who lived to organize Halloween parties got a new job, the excitement kind of wore off.

The reality is that I don’t remember ever really having an outstanding costume. I probably had some cool ones as a kid, but nothing really stands out in my memory.

I do remember going as “The Unknown Comic” to a school event in sixth or seventh grade, but apparently no one else watched “the Gong Show.” I spent the whole night trying to explain why I had a bag on my head and why people should find it so funny.

Maybe that influences my current attitude on Halloween costumes. I wouldn’t mind dressing up, but don’t know if it’s worth the hassle. My favorite idea would take way too much time to explain.

Movie Time Travel

Posted inColumns, Movies

We have not had the opportunity to go see a movie for a while now. The times we have had a chance have not lined up with anything we have wanted to see for a few months.

That doesn’t really bother me that much. I have a list of things I want to catch on DVD or through Netflix at some point. I have pretty good patience in this area.

We did have the possibility of an open weekend night recently. When I considered the possibility of going to see a movie, however, I wondered if I had somehow wandered into a time machine.

I could have sworn I saw an advertisement for “Footloose.” You know, the movie with Kevin Bacon and John Lithgow and the annoying chick who ended up plaguing us with that “Sex and the City” show?

I loved that flick. The goofy, random gymnastics scene in the famous dance montage. Chris Penn’s awkward attempts at dancing. The presence of red cowboy boots as a symbol of teenage defiance. What a great movie.

Back in 1984. That’s when “Footloose” came out, not 2011.

Snacking Dilemma

Posted inColumns, Food, Man Cave

I love our basement. Even though it is unfinished, has cold concrete floors in the winter and leaks sometimes when it rains, I love the place.

Because of the way our house is laid out, the basement is one of the only places I get to myself. Not even the whole basement because half is the laundry room, but the other half is my Man Cave with a TV, computer and recliner.

OK, not totally half because half of my half used to be dedicated to an area where my daughter could play, but she doesn’t go down there much anymore so I’m claiming that space as mine now.

The important thing is that I have a place to retreat and unleash the obsessed teenage sports fan which lives inside of me. I have a place to turn on the game, crack open a beer and have a few snacks.

That last part there poses the biggest problem. While the emotional maturity I bring to my interest in sports may remain in my teens, I still have the metabolism of a 43-year-old.