Fit to be Tied

Posted inClothing, Columns

When I started my new job a little over a year ago, I made sure to dress nicely on the first day.

I wore a shirt, tie and jacket like I had at previous jobs. The jacket matched the pants I wore pretty well, so much so that people thought I had worn a suit.

My boss pulled me aside later in the day, told me she appreciated that I cared so much about my appearance, but that I didn’t need to dress that well each day.

I inquired further and found out that I didn’t even need to wear a tie each day. Better yet, I could wear jeans on Fridays as long as I didn’t have to meet with anyone important.

Score.

Not Ready for Prime-Time Party

Posted inColumns

A few weeks ago, we had a Christmas party. We started this tradition about a decade or so when we both left the full-time newspaper business.

We look forward to the event every year and never have a bad time. Even with the bad weather – it rained all day this year – the 2009 edition turned out as wonderful as ever. Except for one thing.

At no point in the party did we all sit around in a circle and break into an impromptu sing-along of holiday songs.

He’s Crafty

Posted inColumns, Family

I enjoy making people laugh, especially my family. Several times a week, I express mock anger because Maria did not laugh at a joke or pithy comment.

But even I have to draw the line when I know I’m being made fun of.

When Bridget started school five years ago, we made an important decision to have as much involvement in her school life as possible. That has made the PTO an important part of our lives.

One night last week, I offered to help Maria with getting the presents to teachers from the PTO together. She has worked a lot this holiday season and needed a break.

So I started out with something simple – cutting string. I could totally handle that. I measured eight inches, cut and moved on. No problems at all.

Then I hauled boxes of t-shirts into the house. Again, something that was right up my alley. I felt very helpful and even cracked a few jokes in the process.

But the fun soon came to an end. Well, at least it did for me. My wife and daughter were getting ready for some serious comedy.

Creative Punishments

Posted inAmerica, Columns, TV

By now, everyone has probably heard about the Salahis, the couple which went to a state dinner at The White House without an invitation.

If you haven’t, count yourself lucky. This couple joins the ever-growing ranks of people intent on doing whatever it takes to become famous for no real reason at all.

They wanted to get on the latest incarnation of the “Real Housewives” franchise – something that is neither real nor features housewives, but that’s a whole different topic – and like to put themselves in the spotlight.

Which is how they ended up pushing and pushing for an invitation to the state dinner until some Secret Service agents basically decided they weren’t worth dealing with and let them in.

So what do we do now? There has been a lot of talk about punishing White House staff and the Secret Service guys who let them through. That’s all well and good. My first suggestion is that when someone shows up and isn’t on the guest list, but insists they belong, the first question should be “Have you ever been on or aspired to be on a reality show?”

Time Zone Troubles

Posted inAmerica, Columns, Travel

Most of the time, I enjoy change. I like experiencing new things and seeing what I may have previously missed.

But there are kinds of change I don’t like. I recently discovered one of them when I had to travel for business. I hate changing time zones.

I’m not talking about heading to Illinois for a few days and having to remember that everything is one hour off. I went to Vancouver on the west coast and had to suffer through that three-hour swing.

Yes, I said suffer because not only did my body not know what time it was, all the TV stations were different, it rained the whole time, and I couldn’t access web sites like Hulu to entertain me in my hotel room. That’s just cruel.

What an Experience

Posted inColumns, Theater

I can do this.

That’s the thought which went through my head when the spotlight first hit me on opening night for “Miracle on 34th Street.” I had never really acted before – other than acting like a grownup for the past 20 years or pretending I knew what I was talking about in general conversation – but something felt right.

I could not have predicted this a couple of months ago when I initially agreed to play a small non-speaking role in the production at Hanover High School. As I wrote a few weeks ago, this all evolved into the role of Mr. Macy.

I may not have shown it in rehearsal, but I struggled at first. I knew I could project my voice since I have decades of experience trying to be heard above the crowd at family parties.

But I worried about succeeding beyond the volume. Would I get any laughs? Would I sound authentic? Would I remember my lines?

The Return of Comedy

Posted inColumns, TV

About this time last year, I found myself developing a character trait I did not like. Something that violated everything I learned growing up was happening.

I found myself disliking television.

At first, I wondered if I had changed. Had parenthood softened me? Did I develop too many outside interests? Had I become old?

Then I realized that I didn’t have the problem. Television did. The people in charge of the shows churned out so much garbage, I had started to reject pretty much everything.

Hard to Understand

Posted inColumns, Soccer, Sports

A friend took me aside recently. She had watched two co-workers engage in an hour-long conversation about college football and wanted to ask me something.

How can they do that?

She really had no idea how two people could carry on a conversation about sports for so long. She admitted that she tried to get into sports in the past, but just couldn’t maintain an interest. When she finished, I had a confession to make.

I envied her. I envy every single person who can walk around without having sports fill their brain with possibilities and arguments and everything else that goes along with being a fan.

That’s Entertainment

Posted inColumns

Back when I used to work evenings, I watched a lot of goofy television during the day. One show I got to enjoy later than a lot of people was Mystery Science Theater 3000.

If you haven’t even seen the show, it involves a guy and two “robots” who are forced to watch a bad movies, usually science fiction. The show essentially involves them sitting around and making fun of the movies with their silhouettes super-imposed over the action.

I only bring this up because Maria and I went to a wedding a few weeks ago. We had never been in this particular church. The bride and groom were the only people we knew at the ceremony. We sat in a back pew and entertained each other with comments about everything happening around us.

The ceremony was wonderful, of course. We didn’t mean any disrespect, but it’s kind of hard to sit there and not make comments to each other while a bee attacks the hair of a lady a few pews in front of you.

That’s when I had an epiphany of sorts. Maria and I could market our services as an add on to companies who film weddings.