I took my daughter over to a friend’s house the other day for a “play day.” We can’t say “playdate” in our house. Bridget had decided that the proper term is “play day” and doesn’t like when someone says “playdate.” That’s fine with me because I think the term is overused.
But that’s not the point. She didn’t just get to have a good time with a classmate that day. I came down with a bad case of basement envy.
I recently read a story about some inventor who has taken drastic steps to try and live forever.
He takes 250 supplements every day. He drinks 8 to 10 glasses of water each day and just as many cups of green tea. He does batteries of tests to check how he is doing and makes diet adjustments accordingly.
All of this, Ray Kurzwell says, will hopefully help him live long enough to see human immortality become a reality.
While I admire scientific minds that dream of the impossible – I would rather he would put his efforts toward improvements in television technology though – I have just one question for the man who wants to live forever.
Where do you plan to put all your stuff?
I really like the fact that so much controversy surrounds Chris Rock hosting tonight’s Academy Awards ceremony. While people gossip over whether the comedian respects the Oscars, the Brians have had the opportunity to sail under the radar.
Yes, it’s that time of year again when I give away awards for the best in film … that I saw the previous year.
We have six films eligible, the same as the last two years. Voters – and there is a change there – had to choose from “Dodgeball,” “Starsky & Hutch,” “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgandy,” “The Aviator,” “Ocean’s Twelve,” and “Home on the Range,” the first animated film nominated for a Brian.
I changed the voting a little at the behest of a friend named, coincidentally, Brian. He didn’t see why he should be disqualified from voting since, in the spirit of Jeff Spicoli, these are our awards.
If you don’t get that joke, go rent “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.”
Anyway, without any further ado, the 2005 Brians.
I have never visited Central Park in New York. But if I ever had, I don’t think I would look up the sky and think, “They should put some sheets up there.” Yet that’s exactly what performance “artists” Christo and Jeanne-Claude have done.
Their “exhibit “Gates” opened this week and a million bored people have visited the park to walk underneath huge saffron banners. They have spread 7,500 gates across 23 miles of pathways.
I’m sorry, but if that’s art, I’m getting into this racket.
As Americans, we owe a great debt to our heroes. I’m not talking about soldiers and sailors, but the real heroes that protect us from harm within our borders. State legislators.
We have a new hero in Virginia by the name of Algie T. Howell Jr.
Besides surviving numerous beatings as a teenager for the name “Algie,” he has made a great contribution to American politics.
Algie is protecting us from our underwear.
I have looked back at my past few columns and noticed a disturbing trend. I have seemed angry at something – the thermostat, American Idol, people driving in the snow. I don’t like being angry.
Maybe the weather has me down. Maybe the fact that the Game Show Network hasn’t shown “Kenny vs. Spenny” in months is starting to catch up to me. Maybe the thought of the phrase “Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles” has me confused.
All that changes this week. I’ll make things more upbeat by talking about something that will make all of us smile – my future as an Olympic bobsledder.
When I looked out the window at the snow last week, one thought went through my mind. “What is wrong with you people?”
Not you. Well, unless you’re someone who runs to the store in a panic, can’t drive in the snow and can do nothing but complain about the crews trying to clear the snow from the roads.
My wife and I have had an ongoing fight all winter. Don’t worry, this fight won’t involve the police or restraining orders or anyone throwing anything. Well, that is unless I throw some of my belongings on a fire in the middle of the living room.
We’re fighting over control of the thermostat.
Later this week, millions of Americans will lose a few hours of their life forever. I wish I could stop it, but they don’t know any better. They will watch “American Idol.”
I honestly don’t understand why this phenomenon has continued so long. What tragedy has forced us to resort to a karaoke contest to find entertainers?
I did a little shopping after Christmas. I enjoy a bargain just like anyone else, so I wanted to see what I could get on the cheap. I made out OK. I got a DVD (the first season of “Arrested Development”), two pairs of pants and two pairs of shoes.
All told, I spent about $120. I generally would not like to part with that much money for clothes, but the sales helped me pry open my wallet.
Thank goodness I’m not a trendy woman.