When I go to sleep at night now, I feel worry and dread. It’s not stress from work. Or worry about crime. Or even the terrorists.
I’m scared of the alligators.
Now you may say I’m crazy. There are no alligators roaming around the Hanover area.
That’s what they want you to think. And that’s what Long Island, N.Y., resident James McGinn thought a few weeks ago.
My wife has taken on a new hobby. In addition to her gardening and stamping, she has started to make mosaics out of pottery shards. I really enjoy her creative outlets and try to encourage her whenever I get the chance. The problem is, I am reminded of a universal truth whenever I offer my advice.
I’m never right.
I took the day off from work on Thursday to watch the U.S. crash out of the World Cup. I had a busy night Wednesday and got to sleep late. I was so excited about the match, I couldn’t sleep in.
Time for a nap, right?
Not a chance, due to my poor planning.
After nine long months, our family has emerged unscathed from the kindergarten experience. Well, I shouldn’t say unscathed because one bad thing has happened. Bridget learned how to read. I know that is not a bad thing on its face. It’s a great thing, actually. We’re very happy with her teachers and how far she has come since September.
But we have to be careful now.
We can’t spell things out. This is a devastating development in our house.
As time goes on, we begin to take the conveniences of life for granted. We refuse to go to gas stations without “pay at the pump.” We don’t even think about using a human cashier when we can ring up our own items. And God forbid we get out of the car to go inside a bank.
Well, at least those things are true for me.
I have started to take something else wonderful for granted, something that puts every other gadget to shame.
Digital video recorders.
I have a pretty boring wardrobe. I tend to wear a lot of green, blue and beige.
But for at least three days in June, I will wear a bright red shirt. It’s time for the World Cup.
Since the schedule for soccer’s biggest event came out late last year, I had June 12, 17 and 22 circled on my calendar. That’s when the United States plays its first three matches. Hopefully, they will move on and my red shirt will come out again.
The women’s movement has come a long way. But I have learned recently that the fairer sex still has a lot of ground to gain.
For instance, trousers.
My wife got a catalog from a well-known retailer the other day. I started flipping through it for some unknown reason.
I have a real problem with what’s going on with women’s pants these days.
As human beings, we face many difficult challenges. Every day we have to tackle many tasks and make dozens of difficult decisions. It’s a wonder we even know how to correctly pump gas.
According to New Jersey officials, that’s a task that might be out of the grasp of the normal human brain. Self-service is against the law in Jersey (state motto: You lookin’ at me?”).
The governor recently suggested that the law change in conjunction with lower gas prices to help people deal with high gas prices.
You would think he had told his constituents they had to shovel their own toxic waste.
As Maria and I drove down the road one day recently, I had an epiphany. I’m wasting my brain, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. We had the radio playing and a song came on. I couldn’t even tell you now what the song was, which is one of the biggest tragedies of the story.
But at the time, I not only knew the artist and title, but I knew pretty much every lyric. And I hadn’t heard the song in years.
Why are those lyrics taking up space in my brain?
We hit a very important milestone this week. Maria and I moved into a new and exciting economic strata. No, we don’t have a chauffeur. And I didn’t get the golf cart I have always wanted to tool around in. We didn’t even get a high-definition TV.
We have someone who will mow our lawn for us.