Things Could Be Worse

Posted inColumns, Music, Things I Hate

When I read about the effort to raise money at Delone Catholic High School for victims of Hurricane Katrina, I chuckled. I don’t find relief efforts funny at all. In fact, the initiative by the students is admirable.

I just find it funny that they think listening to a continuous stream of Hansen’s hit “MMMBop” – which will play all over the school until they raise $3,000 – is really that annoying.

Kids these days.

They are lucky to only have to listen to “MMMBop” in the halls. Things could be much worse.

Stop Popping

Posted inAmerica, Columns, Fashion, Things I Hate

As a child of the 1980s, I am an expert on certain topics. I remember when MTV actually played videos and you could turn to ESPN for sports. I remember “The Simpsons” when it was just a short on “The Tracey Ullman Show.” I remember when women swooned over Jon Bon Jovi.

Oh yeah, I also remember how silly guys looked walking around with the collars on their polo shirts raised.

Apparently, this fashion mistake has started to make a comeback. I have come to tell the young men of today – stop immediately.

What’s in a Name?

Posted inColumns, Family, Stupid Nicknames

When my co-workers celebrated my birthday the other week, a smile came across my face when I saw the envelope with my birthday card. It simply read: “Shea.”

That was one of the best things that could have happened. For as long as I can remember, I have either attracted nicknames or been called by my last name instead of my first.

I don’t get that much anymore. First of all, I am moving into that territory where I am known as “Mr. Shea” or “Bridget’s Dad.” That’s pretty disheartening.

What’s in a Name?

Posted inCollege, Columns
When my co-workers celebrated my birthday the other week, a smile came across my face when I saw the envelope with my birthday card. It simply read: “Shea.” That was…

Happy Birthday to Me

Posted inColumns, Family

Today marks a very sad day in my life. I no longer have a birthday. Officially, I turn 37 today, but none of that really matters any more. My daughter turns 5 later this week and will have her birthday party today.

Instead of basking in the limelight, I will carry around goodie bags, pass out pizza and make sure no one gets lost in the ball pit.

Happy birthday to me.

Mary Lou Shea, 1928-2005

Posted inColumns, Family

My Mom taught me how to ride a bike in the Hutzler’s parking lot at Westview Mall in Catonsville, Md., on a Sunday afternoon. We had the whole place to ourselves because of the old blue laws. We missed the first half of a Baltimore Colts game while we were out there. I think they played the Buffalo Bills or New England Patriots that day.

Attention to Detail

Posted inColumns, Family, Fashion, I Forgot My Shoes, Making an Idiot Out of Myself

Everything was perfect. We arrived at the hotel in New Jersey last Sunday with plenty of time to spare before my nephew’s wedding.

We found one of my sibling’s rooms and made plans on where to meet before going to the church.

We enjoyed some of the complimentary microwave popcorn that the hotel provided so we wouldn’t starve before dinner at the reception.

We even got to watch some of an Austin Powers movie while we got dressed. Like I said, everything was perfect.

Until I went to put on my shoes.

Watch Your Cornhole

Posted inColumns, Cornhole, Family

One of the great things about a family vacation is the things you learn. Maybe a sibling tells you a secret. Maybe you discover a new place to eat. Or maybe you discover the greatest game in the history of the world.

I started to play cornhole down the beach.

Possum Hunting

Posted inColumns

When we bought our house, we chose an in-town location for several reasons. We liked the price. We liked being able to walk downtown. We liked our quiet street. I had one other reason for liking the location. I wouldn’t have to deal with any wild animals. I grew up in the suburbs. We did live near some woods so we had to deal with mice a few times growing up. Other than that, I limited my exposure to animals to visits to the zoo.

It’s not just wild animals. My mother-in-law used to own a couple of horses. Maria took me in the pasture once and I nearly fainted.

I fear a new animal now, but it’s a little smaller than a horse. Actually, it’s a lot smaller than a horse.

We have an opossum visiting our yard.

My Destiny

Posted inColumns, Making an Idiot Out of Myself

As I approach the end of my 37th year, I have had an epiphany. I finally realize my true calling. I exist to give people something to laugh at.

Don’t mistake this for a pity party. I’m pretty excited actually. I have slowly come to grips with my ability to make a fool out of myself.

My moment of clarity came 10 days ago when I fell down Federal Hill in Baltimore.

I didn’t actually fall as much as I careened down the top slope of the downtown landmark. Somehow, I got it in my head that I could race a friend to the bottom.

Luckily, she realized the folly of that idea and had a wonderful view from the top as I hurtled out of control to my fate.

Did I mention that all this took place during a department retreat for work and the friends witnessing this exhibition were my co-workers? I sure know how to spice up the day.