I come from a long line of couch sleepers. Like my father before me, I appreciate the bliss of sawing logs on the living room sofa.
Sometimes it’s because I can’t fall asleep in bed for some reason or another. Other times, it’s because I just feel like drifting off while watching a game on the television.
Either way, I can’t resist the temptation of lying on the couch and letting the hum and glow of the TV lull me into slumber.
I especially enjoy my couch time during the Christmas season because I can turn on the Christmas tree lights to serve as a sort of nightlight. They just make sleeping in the living room a little more special.
As the holidays started to wind down, I had what I thought was a wonderful idea. Why don’t we keep the tree up all year?
We have an artificial tree so it wouldn’t be a big problem. Besides, the thing can be a pain in the butt to haul up to the attic in January and back down 11 months later. This could make those chores disappear.
So my first idea of keeping the tree with the lights on it up all year didn’t go over too well. I got one of those looks that I tend to get on a regular basis that kind of indicates I’m off my rocker.
I didn’t expect the Christmas decorations to stay up all that time. That would look a little silly in the middle of summer. I didn’t give up though because I had an even better idea. Why not keep the tree up with the lights on and decorate it for all other kinds of holidays through the year?
Think about it – little hearts for Valentine’s Day and shamrocks for St. Patrick’s Day. Ok, shamrocks and bottles of whisky for St. Patrick’s Day.
I had almost no problem coming up with plans for almost the entire year. April would mean Easter. We could put together some sort of patriotic extravaganza to run from May through July, commemorating Memorial Day and the Fourth.
Since we all have summer birthdays, that could take up six to eight weeks. Then there’s Back to School, Halloween, Thanksgiving and finally Christmas. I really thought this was my best idea yet. All so I could sleep on the couch with the Christmas lights on.
My wife did not agree. So I did what any mature person would do, and I went to whine about the tree coming down on Facebook. One friend immediately suggested keeping the tree up with decorations for different holidays through the year. Even support from my public couldn’t keep my idea alive, and the tree came down a few days later while I was at work.
I still have no problem falling asleep when I lay down on the couch, but I can’t shake the feeling that something is different. I guess I could make a stand and haul the thing downstairs myself.
That would be such a pain in the butt though. I guess I’ll just have to wait until December.
But what do I say to her in reply?
Try this argument: “If I sleep on the couch more, I won’t be begging you for sex as often.”