Pump This, Jersey

As human beings, we face many difficult challenges. Every day we have to tackle many tasks and make dozens of difficult decisions. It’s a wonder we even know how to correctly pump gas.

According to New Jersey officials, that’s a task that might be out of the grasp of the normal human brain. Self-service is against the law in Jersey (state motto: You lookin’ at me?”).

The governor recently suggested that the law change in conjunction with lower gas prices to help people deal with high gas prices.

You would think he had told his constituents they had to shovel their own toxic waste.

More than 1,400 people e-mailed and called to protest the idea. Apparently, drivers in New Jersey aren’t just too lazy to pump their own gas. They’re not quite bright enough either.

“It could be put in the wrong container,” Bill Dressler, executive director of the New Jersey Gas Retailers Association, told USA Today.

I have looked at the outside of my car a number of times since I first read that quote. I’m still trying to figure out what other container he’s speaking of.

I don’t know about the cars they sell in New Jersey, but mine has a little button that has a gas symbol on it. When I flip it, a lid opens to give me access to the container where I put the gas.

Has anyone even thought of putting it somewhere else? I know Jersey has had full service for a long time, but I think residents could catch on pretty quickly. We could even start an exchange program to have people from other states visit to show them how to pump gas if they can’t find the gas tank on their own.

Another explanation could be the large number of formal events that New Jersey residents have to attend. That’s the reason Assembleyman Francis Bodine gave USA Today for why he couldn’t possibly pump his own gas.

“If I’m in a tux going to a black tie (event), I don’t want to stop and handle a gas pump.”

There is no truth to the rumor he looks like the Monopoly guy. Maybe Mr. Bodine runs in different circles than I do, but if I’m in the position to go to a bunch of black-tie parties, I’m hiring someone to drive me and pump my gas.

Maybe he could hire one of the gas station attendants Bill Dressler is so worried about to be his personal gas pumper if the state ever went to self-service. That’s a good solution in my mind.

Are we all missing the boat? I know where to put gas in my car, and I’m not afraid of the smell, but I was always under the impression that I had to pay extra money for full service.

If they are giving full service away for free, maybe Pennsylvania should get in on the action. We could have everything that New Jersey has. And we wouldn’t even have to live in New Jersey.

Now that’s full service.

Author: brian

1 thought on “Pump This, Jersey

  1. I live in Oregon and it is also illegal to pump your own gas here. Personally, I like it. On the one hand you don’t have to stink yourself up pumping your gas and on the other hand it creates jobs for pimply-faced high school students. I live right across the Columbia River from Washington, and in Washington the gas is actually MORE expensive for self-service than full-service is in Oregon. However, this is only due to the higher state gas taxes in Washington. Anyway, just my two cents.

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