People sometimes develop unhealthy obsessions with entertainment figures and fictional characters. I have never really understood it, but I don’t let it bother me. Well, I didn’t until recently when this hero worship hit a little too close to home. I don’t really care if people spend their days obsessing about James Bond, but they don’t have to insult me in the process.
Recently, a group of angry James Bond fans have teamed up to express their displeasure at the casting of Daniel Craig as Agent 007 for the upcoming film “Casino Royale.”
They even started a Web site to protest the decision and try to organize a boycott because producers “cast a short, blond, odd-looking Daniel Craig in the role of Bond.”
Except for the blonde line, they could be talking about me. And for short, odd-looking men everywhere, I must say I am offended.
To take things further, the creators of the Web site (www.craignotbond.com) say that the new Bond has a “penchant for oddball roles.”
I live to play oddball roles. They are really getting too close for comfort here.
But I’m not just worried about me. Lots of people are getting thrown under the bus by these Bond fanatics. They have compared Daniel Craig in an unflattering way to Bill Murray, Gilligan and Cosmo Kramer. When you start insulting icons like those guys, you have really crossed a line.
I don’t really see understand the point of the protest. Shouldn’t normal people everywhere celebrate when a guy described as “skinny, craggy and wholly unimpressive” gets a chance to play James Bond? Why should the Pierce Brosnans and Sean Connerys of the world have all the fun?
Besides, when Craig told producers they would have to modify the Aston Martin Bond drove because he couldn’t drive a stick shift, he struck a blow for normal people everywhere. Not everybody has time to shift, you know.
I do have to tread very carefully here because I live with a Bond fan. Not one that creates a Web site to protest who will play the lead role, but a Bond fan nonetheless.
If an average-looking guy takes over the role of Agent 007, that could affect things around the house. She might expect me to fight crime. I might have to change from beer to martinis. I might have to start wearing a tux. And she’ll definitely wonder where all the scantily clad women are coming from because they just flock to guys who look like Bond.
I really don’t get enough vacation time at my current job to go flying around the world to recapture a nuclear warhead from some rogue scientist or oil tycoon. Especially when we know that they will unknowingly sabotage their own plans anyway.
I could deal with the gadgets and stuff, however. Any guy could, which is why casting a normal looking guy in the role of Bond makes perfect sense. Q has spent all these years building things that it’s about time he focused on a turbo-charged remote control or a pair of glasses that turns Daniel Craig into Pierce Brosnan for life-long Bond fans.
Just make sure I get the keys to the Aston Martin. I may not look like the traditional James Bond, but I can drive a stick.
I would have to say that Daniel Craig is the best James Bond of all times.'”~