At my previous job, we had the worst staff meetings in the world. They took up an entire morning or afternoon – I have blocked out what time of day they took place – and really accomplished almost nothing.
I figured out a way to survive them after a while. I would buy a really big cookie and eat it slowly throughout the meeting.
My boss thought I was joking when I said I couldn’t survive the time without a cookie, but I was totally serious.
The cookie became necessary because I didn’t have a good friend in the department to help me with my favorite pastime during meetings – making smart aleck comments.
I like to turn meetings into a sort of Mystery Science Theater setting. I think of myself as the DVD commentary that comes with the meeting. I know I should be all grown up and professional now, but I can’t help it some times.
We had a meeting a few weeks ago where a buddy and I sat in the back and provided our own little comedy club for the entire time. I’m not entirely sure everyone found it as funny as we did.
But we made the time pass a little faster, which is the point, I think.
I find it so hard to turn off this aspect of my personality partially because this is the way Maria and I go through life. We need to try and entertain each other with our comments, whether we are watching TV or sitting at some other event.
We each realized recently how important we were to each other when we had something to say, but the other wasn’t around.
She went to see a gospel concert recently while visiting a friend. I had to attend yet another family function so we split up for the day.
As soon as the head of the singing group walked on stage, Maria could barely contain herself. By the way she tells me the story, I imagine her looking like a Tourette’s patient.
“Jimmy James. Jimmy James,” she said to the person next to her. They had no idea what she meant. If I had been there, I would have probably been saying the same thing.
Apparently, the guy looks like actor Stephen Root. He has an extensive list of movie and TV credits, but we know him best as Jimmy James, the eccentric owner of the radio station in the TV show “NewsRadio.”
And finding a guy who sings bluegrass-style gospel music and looks like Jimmy James is just the thing that you need to share with someone.
I had my moment while watching the season finale of “Desperate Housewives.” Because of a conflict, I had to watch it on the Tivo a few days later. In one of the crucial scenes, one character shot another.
I immediately regretted not watching it with Maria because only she could have appreciated my comment that Lumberg shot Mallory Keaton, recalling past roles for Gary Cole and Justine Bateman, the actors involved in the scene.
I never said the things we had to share with each other were that funny, but they keep us entertained. And whether you’re sitting through a meeting on health benefits or watching a gospel concert, you need to make sure that happens.
I think that kind of stuff all the time, but usually when I make any of the remarks aloud I get a lot of blank stares.