Bragging About Nothing

I have to admit, I used to do this. I still might do it on occasion, but I try to avoid this particular annoyance as much as possible these days. Partially because I realize it doesn’t matter, but mostly because I have realized how stupid it sounds.

People have to stop bragging about not doing things.

I’m not talking about the not doing things that I admire, like spending a whole day on your couch in sweats watching TV for no good reason. That is admirable and should be shared with the world. I’m talking about the kind of not doing things that annoying sports business writer Darren Rovell tweeted about over the weekend.

This one got me for a couple of reasons. First of all, I love March Madness and fill out brackets like they are going out of style. I have done this forever so the fact that not filling out a bracket is some sort of badge of honor just makes me roll my eyes. Second, it was from Rovell, who is a twit.

But this isn’t just about March Madness brackets. We see it with any cultural phenomenon. People like to brag that they don’t care about the Super Bowl or Super Bowl commercials or the Oscars (I have been guilty of that) or pretty much any sports or pop culture event that brings people together.

I like some of those things and don’t like others, but why should I or anyone else feel compelled to puff our chest out when we aren’t interested in something a lot of other people like? Twitter and Facebook, that’s why.

I love social networks like those, but that’s pretty much the whole reason for this. People who love these events talk about them a lot, and those who are not included feel like they need to join the conversation if only to say they don’t want to join the conversation. It’s the ultimate “look at me move.”

Which is why the ultimate “look at me” guy Darren Rovell was the one that kind of set me over the edge. As I said, I am sure I have done this, usually with the Oscars and Grammys. I think I have learned my lesson. If you want credit for not doing something, you’re probably the kind of guy people don’t want joining them while they enjoy their favorite things. So just shut up.

The Rest of The Brians

I was supposed to post these last week, but forgot. I wrote it and had it saved, but totally forgot to post because I was headed to Vegas. So here you do – the “minor” awards for The Brians which are actually more fun than the real thing.

The Dorian Gray Award: Felicity Jones for The Theory of Everything. It’s no surprise that this adaptation of Stephen Hawking comes from his wife’s book because Jones does not appear to age one bit as Jane Hawking even though ALS slowly eats away at her husband. The use of soft focus as time went on just cracked me up.

Best Supporting: I gave away awards in this category for actor and actress, but I also need to recognize the big, fake boobs they gave Jane Fonda in This Is Where I Leave You. Well done.

Best Cast: No one gave Monuments Men a second thought after it quickly disappeared from the theater, but I really enjoyed the movie because they hired Bill Murray to play a Bill Murray type and John Goodman to play a John Goodman type and Bob Balaban to play a Bob Balaban type and George Clooney to play a George Clooney type and so on and so forth. It was like the World War II version of Ocean’s Eleven – just a bunch of folks who like each other having fun making a movie. Nothing wrong with that.

Best Fight: A tie between all the fights in This Is Where I Leave You.

Worst Fight: The park fight scene in Anchorman 2. Sometimes, you just need to let a scene breath and stop adding things.

Biggest Surprise: Tyler Perry in Gone Girl. He really did a nice job and made Best Supporting Actor a very crowded field.

The “Is That It?” Award: I’m not saying I wanted to see Ben Affleck’s johnson, but for all the “there’s full frontal male nudity in Gone Girl” hype I heard, it was quite disappointing to realize that no one would have likely noticed it was there if it hadn’t been advertised beforehand. Again, not looking to see his junk, but if you’re gonna do it, go full-on Jason Segal in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Best Song: As if there was any question.

The 2015 Brians

Now that we have that silliness known as The Oscars out of the way, it’s time to focus on the real awards – The Brians.

In case you don’t know, these are the awards recognizing the best in film for movies which I saw in the theater the previous year.

This is a big year for The Brians for a couple of reasons. First of all, I saw at least one movie which actually had Oscar hopes. Secondly, we are back after a hiatus in 2014 since I only saw two movies in the theater in 2013.

Seven movies have a chance to win these prestigious awards: The Lego Movie, Monuments Men, Anchorman 2, 22 Jump Street, This is Where I Leave You, Gone Girl, and The Theory of Everything.

The big five categories are awarded here. Check back here Wednesday, Feb. 25 to see the lesser (and more fun) categories and some behind-the-scenes information.

Best Supporting Actress: Jillian Bell (22 Jump Street). I didn’t know her from her “Workaholics” role, but she blew me away as Mercedes, the judgy girl who ended up running a campus-wide drug ring. Her deadpan snark was one of the keys to making this sequel work.

Best Supporting Actor: Ice Cube (22 Jump Street). Love the Cube. You need great supporting actors to make a sequel work, and his anger at finding his daughter dating Jonah Hill’s character was absolutely perfect. Will Ferrell almost got this for his work in “The Lego Movie,” but he fell just short.

Best Actress: Tina Fey (This Is Where I Leave You). I love almost everything about Jonathan Tropper’s books so the movie adaptation of one of his best works was bound to win something. I liked the film a lot more than most people, mainly because of Fey. She still lives in my heart as Liz Lemon, but her nuanced take of Wendy Altman in this goofy, inappropriate, funny movie made me smile. She even overcame the awkward way they handled the character’s difficulty dealing with her ex-boyfriend.

Best Actor: Eddie Redmayne (The Theory of Everything). Part of me feels like I have to give something to the one movie I saw in 2014 which had a chance to win over the weekend. Thankfully, Eddie Redmayne put on a spectacular performance. He is lucky, however, that I didn’t see Foxcatcher and The Imitation Game until this year. That said, he brought great depth to Stephen Hawking, especially in the early parts of the movie. You could see the tics and problems coming, but they never veered into slapstick for me.

Best Movie: The Lego Movie. Since the academy won’t recognize the greatness of this film, I feel compelled to scream from the mountaintops. Who doesn’t smile when they hear the theme song? Who doesn’t identify with Emmett? Who hasn’t named a work nemesis Lord Business? The bottom line is that entertainment should be fun, and I had the most fun last year during the two hours I watched this film. In the year of Chris Pratt, it would seem wrong to not recognize something he did, and we didn’t get to Guardians of the Galaxy in the theater. Everyone should watch this movie as much as they can, especially when they are feeling down.

Because everything really is awesome.


Newsroom Memories

If you haven’t noticed already, things have really started to change in downtown Hanover. New businesses keep cropping up and great opportunities wait in the wings.

One of the most recent changes has given me mixed feelings, however. Namely, the re-location of The Evening Sun offices.

I have not worked for the paper full time since 1998. I haven’t worked full time for any paper for almost 15 years. I manage to keep my toe dipped in the water via freelancing and writing this column. I just can’t shake the profession.

Even though I find myself comfortable in many situations and love my job, I feel incredibly comfortable when I walk into a newsroom. No place gave me that safe feeling like the 135 Baltimore Street office where I worked for six years.

Don’t get me wrong – the paper had to move. But that doesn’t mean I can’t cling to every ounce of sentimentality I can muster.

The old newsroom held so many great memories. Like the time I was really mad about how the holiday scheduling worked out, and I stalked out in a huff to go get some comfort food. I returned to find a sympathetic co-worker ready to take over my duties because he thought I might not come back.

Or the time I ran circles around the desks where the editors sat as people edited two of my stories on deadline. As soon as I got 75 percent of the way through answering a question from one, the other would need me immediately. I wish I had a pedometer on me at the time.

Or the time (or times) that I left my wallet or something like that laying around and someone hid it from me to try and teach me a lesson.

Or the time I felt my heart drop when my editor showed me a paper with a headline I wrote that had a golfer winning a tournament by three shits. I sunk into the chair, trying to think about what other jobs I could get after they fired me. Instead, he told me that I owed him one because he saw the mistake before the papers left the building. He wasn’t happy (with me or the people who should have caught my error), but it did give him a chance to do the whole “STOP THE PRESSES” routine. I’m pissed I didn’t have the foresight to save a copy of that page.

Or the time when I came back to help on a freelance basis and a friend tried to give me a tutorial on a layout system. I had to remind him that I set a lot of the stuff up and taught him how to use it at one point.

Or the many times we knocked off after a hard day and went to solve the world’s problems at a local bar. Thank goodness I have always lived within walking distance of the office.

Or the time I met a pretty woman there, a special person who ended up marrying me and making every day since then pretty darn great.

So it’s pretty obvious why that place means so much to me.

I got a chance to visit the new offices a week or so ago. I really liked what they did, from the open newsroom to the conference room overlooking the 116/194 intersection.

I also like how I can drive through town and see who is working late. Some of the best times I have ever had took place when only a few of us were there late at night.

Even though they have their own space, it will always bring back memories of the place where I felt most at home.

Playing it by Ear

I have spent the past year or so planning for what is happening right now. The funny thing is, I was planning so I could do something spontaneous.

In 2010, I traveled to Los Angeles for a work event. On one night, the co-worker I traveled with had other plans, so I set out on my own. I had examined the many entertainment options and settled on one not too far from my hotel – the Upright Citizens Brigade.

UCB is one of the most influential improv comedy groups. Early members of the group included Amy Poehler. They started in Chicago, moved to New York and now have theatres on both coasts. I bought a ticket for one show at the LA theatre, which is across the street from a really creepy Scientology mansion.

So if you’re thinking “top-notch improv comedy theatre in LA,” you might get a vision of this fantastic space with comfortable seats and organic, vegan, gluten-free water bottles for sale. Not a chance. The UCB theatre is sparse and the chairs uncomfortable, but the show put one thought into my head.

“I need to do this.”

I had only just become comfortable with going on stage in a scripted performance and now I had designs on making things up on the fly? Sounded crazy, but the way the group – which included a woman who wrote for “Parks & Recreation” and will likely help write the upcoming all-female “Ghostbusters” move – made things happen on stage captivated me.

At that time, I had absolutely no clue of how to discover improv close to home. This was a problem. I don’t know how much I explored the possibility back then, but the idea remained in my head until a year or so ago.

That’s when I discovered a group in Baltimore that not only put on improv performances, but had an educational component on the side. I could take improv classes right after work. Just like Michael Scott from “The Office.” This was perfect.

Life, however, got in the way. I had trouble finding room for classes over seven straight weeks. They only offered them two nights, making scheduling a little tight. Then I ended up performing in a couple of Hanover Little Theatre shows, which took precedence.

At one point, I wondered if my subconscious wanted to keep me from taking the class. After all, some of the conflicts could be re-arranged, but that would just be hard. They will offer the class again, I told myself. There’s always next time.

Well, next time started last week. In December, I looked at my calendar and made the decision before anything else could fill the time. I paid the fee and crossed my fingers.

At the end of the first class, the only negative thought I had was that I would have to wait another whole week for the next session. I felt completely in my element. I had a chance to meet a bunch of new people who will help me figure this out over the next month and a half.

Who knows what will happen? I don’t have a plan after that, and that’s just the way it should be.


Something amazing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Something that some people thought could never happen. I enjoyed closing 2014 with a bang.

I walked through the streets of Hanover alone in the evening and no one hurt me.

Now before I go on having fun, let me be clear – I am not making fun of anyone who has actually been victimized by a crime locally or anywhere else. I feel terrible for folks who have to go through things like that.

I am, however, making fun of people who take small pieces of information and conflate them into a larger narrative that just is not true.

This happens all too often with the state of Hanover. Sometimes it’s in reaction to something horrible, like the assault and robbery of an older couple on Moul Avenue last week. An event like that certainly should remind us that bad things can and do happen sometimes, even in our backyard.

But that does not mean that everyone’s personal safety is constantly at risk, like you see some people intimate if you get involved in discussions on local issues on social media.

The recent talk of revitalization efforts on Hanover spurred some of these false fears. Some people reacted to the stories in the paper about what was, what is and what will be happening downtown with comments about how they felt unsafe downtown.

I just laughed. Just look at the news, especially the police log which is printed on a regular basis. People aren’t getting jumped at random intervals in alleys, much less on main roads like Routes 94, 194 and 116. The notion that people enjoying downtown businesses put themselves at risk is just silly.

That’s why I tested the theory one night between Christmas and New Year’s. I wanted to put myself in harm’s way just to show people that it’s possible to survive. I also may have been better off not driving and was just a mile or so from my house. But we’ll go with courageous crusader instead of “guy who knows when he isn’t OK to drive.”

I ventured out on Carlisle Street and then headed to (street redacted so as not to compromise future walks in public at night) and crossed to (I will not give away my location to the hoodlums who may be lurking) before heading straight for my house.

I arrived safe and sound. I also got a nice little workout, which is an added bonus of this mode of transportation. Far from dodging gangs of opportunistic bandits, I think I saw three people. On a Saturday night around 11 p.m.

Hopefully I see more bodies on the street in 2015 when I put my life in my hands again. The opening of two craft breweries will hopefully give others the courage to head into downtown after the sun has gone down.

Those people can rest assured that I stand before them as a survivor. I managed to take a leisurely walk through town without any major incidents. Stranger things have happened.

Burning or Binging?

The final season of “Parks & Recreation” premieres tomorrow night. The NBC comedy – one of the best shows in the history of TV in my opinion – will conclude just seven weeks later. The network has decided to run the 13-episode season with back-to-back episodes on six straight weeks followed by a one-hour finale on Feb. 24.

I have seen a number of people criticize this strategy. The gist of the complaints is that NBC is “burning” off the final season to be rid of a show that they don’t particularly want, but feel like they have to keep because it does have a cult following and most of the network’s other shows have just tanked miserably.

I can see that mindset. The show has had to hang on for dear life since it’s premiere. Now that the network is letting it go out on its own terms, it can look like they want to get it off the airwaves as soon as they can.

However, let’s consider something different that might show NBC in a better light. I don’t know why I would consider that possibility given that they gave us “Whitney” and burned off the funny “Bent” over three weeks with any publicity whatsoever.

But when you consider that people take binge watching very seriously, maybe that is part of the mindset behind the “Parks & Rec” schedule this season. The show has had trouble finding a large following, so maybe the network thinks if they compress the season, people will feel more engaged. After all, a lot can distract people in 13 weeks. Cut that time frame in half, and more viewers may stay focused on the last look at like in Pawnee, Indiana.

This concept may give too much credit to the people who run television, but the possibility makes me think. Maybe they are doing me a favor by giving me an hour of Leslie Knope and Ron Swanson each week.

Adjusting New Year’s

As we approach the beginning of a new year, I have started to notice the grouchy old man inside of me getting ready for an appearance. I have no problem with people celebrating on New Year’s Eve except for one thing.

Why does the New Year have to start so late?

More often than not, I stay up to midnight to watch the ball drop and all that jazz. My wife – the smarter one in this couple by a country mile – has usually already headed to bed. Or she’s asleep in her recliner as I watch the TV quietly a few feet away on the couch.

Either way, she doesn’t give in to the peer pressure that society puts on people to actually stay awake until we can turn the page from December to January.

Sometimes I understand her position and hit the hay early, but more often than not I stay up simply because that’s what I think I should do. I have no reason why since it’s not like anyone will really hold it against me.

We have never really found an event to attend that fits into our schedule. We used to visit friends in Maryland, but had to stay the night so we could properly have fun, and that just made entry into January more difficult than we wanted.

Ideally, we would attend a fun and safe celebration that lets us sleep in our own bed, but we just end up staying home to celebrate together. That makes an early bedtime an ever-present temptation.

After all, the clock strikes midnight more than once. Celebrating 2015 at 7 p.m when much of Europe sets off their fireworks is a little early. We could align with some islands west of the European coast and celebrate at 8 p.m., but I think I’ll still be awake.

The Sandwich Islands – British territories off of Argentina – will welcome 2015 when our clocks strike nine, but they don’t seem significant enough. I think I might make it until 10 p.m. and bring in the New Year with the good folks of Greenland.

I wouldn’t miss anything interesting if I did that and went to bed at a normal hour. I have spent enough years flipping channels from 10 p.m. to midnight to know that the folks who program television networks either want us drunk or asleep that night so they can show the worst shows known to man.

The only time I can really remember finding something entertaining to watch on New Year’s Eve was when a channel showed a bunch of episodes of “Friends” that focused on the holiday. But I distinctly remember all these shows starting after midnight, which meant I stupidly stayed up even later than normal to watch a bunch of episodes I had seen a bunch of times before.

Maybe I just need to embrace that. After all, I stay up too late watching TV on random occasions throughout the year. That’s kind of who I am. And maybe that’s a tradition in Greenland too.

Embrace the Giving

Something is happening this Christmas season that makes me sad. I don’t know how wide this phenomenon has spread, but I’m worried.

More and more I hear about people opting to not give Christmas presents.

Like any good and right American, I love the speech Linus gives in “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” I also worry about the overcreep of commercialism. But does that mean we need to quit such a great tradition whole hog?

Some of you may read this and think of me as a greedy little mongrel, begging for another gift card or some trinket I will forget about before 2015 starts. That couldn’t be further from the truth.

I don’t like people talking about not giving Christmas presents because then I can’t experience the joy of getting something for someone else.

As I have grown up, I have learned how to get more pleasure from giving than from receiving. I know I have enough and can go through the holiday season without getting any gifts, but I can’t imagine spending all the weeks leading up to Christmas without hunting to find that right gift.

Now sometimes people have legitimate concerns about gift-giving and would prefer a donation to a charity or a gift for someone less fortunate.

I can totally get behind that. I mean, it might not give me the same thrill as looking through stores and wrapping the gift so I can see the look on the face of someone I care about when they see what I got, but a gift is a gift.

My problem comes when I hear people say that we shouldn’t exchange gifts because the whole process if too hard or too stressful. To be honest, that kind of perspective just bums me out.

I know that the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas can fill up quickly. Like a lot of other people, I have to go to holiday concerts and Christmas parties along with my regular day-to-day responsibilities.

The idea of heading into a crowded store doesn’t always get me excited. And I loathe the idea of rushing to get all my shopping done before we all sit down for turkey and stuffing.

But the notion that I have to put my generosity on hold because it might be inconvenient feels a whole lot worse. Maybe I want to go through a lot of trouble to get the special people in my life a gift. Maybe the hassle makes it even more gratifying.

I think we should just stop talking about presents. No more price limits, no more lists, no more ground rules. If you want to get something for someone, go ahead and do it. If someone gets you a present, thank them sincerely. If you buy a gift for someone, and they don’t reciprocate, let it go. If someone gives you something, and you have no gift in return, consider doing something nice for them.

But most of all, stop worrying about who gives what and what you get. Just do nice things for the people you care about. Because, in the end, isn’t that what Linus was getting at?

Take a Chance, Get Involved

The question came out of the blue. My wife and I had volunteered to help with Hanover High School’s production of “Miracle on 34th Street” five years ago because our daughter was one of the elementary school students taking part in some scenes.

So we joined in as bodies for the background in lieu of leaving Bridget alone in the high school auditorium during rehearsal. As we sat there one night before rehearsal, George Matthew – “Mr. George” of library fame – approached me with the offer I never anticipated.

He had a couple of openings due to people pulling out of the play, and he wanted me to fill one of them.

I deflected at first for a variety of reasons. First of all, this was a high school play and, even though the cast featured a handful of adults to make it a district-wide effort, I just felt out of place. Secondly, I had a trip coming up for work so would miss about a week of rehearsal time.

Lastly, and most importantly, I had no idea what to do on stage.

Growing up, I participated in the programs we had to take part in at my parochial school. The only one I really remember was a holiday program that included – I swear to God – eighth-grade students acting out popular commercials in between the other grades singing Christmas carols.

I was cast in a mouthwash commercial. I remember all of this for two reasons, three if you count the fact that I always remember really weird events in life.

I remember that there was much discussion over whether the boys and girls in the commercial would actually kiss like they actors did in the real commercial. We didn’t. I also remember that someone dropped a bottle of Listerine in the hallway as we prepared to go down to the gym. That stank to high heaven.

These memories rushed back to me as Mr. George cajoled me onto stage that night during rehearsal, promising me I was just standing in for the night and could decide for real after my work trip. In actuality, there was no decision. I couldn’t let Mr. George down.

We just passed the five year anniversary of that show, which packed the HHS auditorium for three performances. I ended up having one of the best times I could remember and ended up taking the chance at some Hanover Little Theatre auditions a few months later.

That led to five years of annoying people about coming to see me in my shows at HLT. That led to some wonderful new friendships. That led to realizing that so many opportunities exist out there if you just take a chance.

We have a community filled with civic groups and service organizations and performance groups just dying to get some new blood. Don’t worry if you have an upcoming trip for work or if you have never done it before.

If I can get up there and pretend to be a dog owner like I did this month in our production of “Sylvia” at HLT (and shame on you who didn’t come – we had a blast), then anything is possible.

Burning or Binging?

The final season of “Parks & Recreation” premieres tomorrow night. The NBC comedy – one of the best shows in the history of TV in my opinion – will conclude just seven weeks later. The network has decided to run the 13-episode season with back-to-back episodes on six straight weeks followed by a one-hour finale on Feb. […]

Happy Birthday, ‘Life’s Rich Pageant’

On this day in 1986, something very special happened. I had no idea at the time. R.E.M. released Life’s Rich Pageant on this day 28 years ago, the band’s fourth album. I had yet to discover the Athens (Ga.) quartet at the time even though I saw them open for The Police a few years earlier. […]

The 2015 Brians

Now that we have that silliness known as The Oscars out of the way, it’s time to focus on the real awards – The Brians. In case you don’t know, these are the awards recognizing the best in film for movies which I saw in the theater the previous year. This is a big year […]

Bragging About Nothing

I have to admit, I used to do this. I still might do it on occasion, but I try to avoid this particular annoyance as much as possible these days. Partially because I realize it doesn’t matter, but mostly because I have realized how stupid it sounds. People have to stop bragging about not doing […]