We went out for breakfast on a Sunday morning with our daughter on a camping trip with her Girl Scout Troop.
I thought I would just have a Belgian waffle and some coffee. Instead, I discovered where I needed to focus my attention for the next seven years.
My wife and I sat across the table from each other reading the newspaper when it happened. I had the sports section, of course.
My destiny hid in the middle of the page alongside results of professional sports I could never dream of playing.
From now until I turn the summer of 2018, I need to put all my energy into preparing for the York County Senior Games.
I discovered in the paper that the youngest age group allows 50 year olds to compete. I turn 50 that summer so I plan on unleashing my domination upon the other seniors in the county as soon as I can.
Unfortunately, I don’t think they have a wrestling competition on the books. There are some “veteran” wrestling events around the country, but I haven’t bit that bullet yet. Mainly because I don’t want to collapse from exhaustion.
So with my main sport out of the question, I perused the results for other ways to bring the pain to my fellow oldsters seven years hence.
Sure, I could buckle down and train for a running event, but that would require a lot of work. I don’t want to work now so what makes me think anything will change between now and the arrival of my first AARP magazine?
So I looked into some of the other events offered and found my wheelhouse. I think my decades-long (God willing) reign as the county’s Wii bowling champion could be on the horizon.
By sheer coincidence, I started to play the game again at home recently. I didn’t realize it marked the beginning of a seven-year training cycle. I just wonder if the Senior Games allow participants to have a beer on hand during this part of the contest.
The same question goes for the darts competition. I know the Senior Games exist to promote a healthy lifestyle for seniors, but can you really throw darts without a pint on the side?
Maybe they won’t allow me to tip my elbow when I compete so I’ll just have to bring a glass of water or something to simulate my natural environment.
I could go on and on, but I guess I really want to say that I’m looking forward to spending the next seven years training for athletic events where I don’t have to move very much and can enjoy a drink after I’m done. Or while I’m winning. I admire those who want to complete a triathlon, but want to admire them from an easy chair.
The countdown starts now. I need to focus all my energy on playing the Wii, joining a few games of poker and tossing horseshoes.
Hopefully I’ll have some time to learn how to play pinochle. I think that might be my secret weapon.