Sometimes I wonder how I have remained married for more than 11 years. The odds are stacked against us.
First of all, Maria could care less about the NFL standings or who will be the next coach of the U.S. Men’s soccer team. How can I raise a child with someone so disinterested in these important matters?
When we go to the annual Super Bowl party at a friend’s house, she cares more about the commercials than the game. That’s just wrong.
Then there’s our problem with bananas. My wife actually thinks that it is better to wait to eat a banana until the fruit has developed some brown spots on the skin.
I had never heard something so crazy until I met her. All right-thinking people know that you need to eat the bananas as soon as possible once they arrive in the house.
When brown spots form on the outside, that means there may be brown spots under the skin. It’s bad enough when I find some damaged fruit on a perfectly yellow banana. I don’t need brown spots on the skin taunting me about what I will find once I peel the fruit.
The problems don’t stop at bananas. I actually married someone who prefers creamy peanut butter over crunchy.
The way I look at it, peanut butter should have actual peanuts in it. That’s why crunchy is far superior to creamy. Crunchy gives you something to chew while creamy is just there.
The worst part about all this is that I have not won the battle when it comes to teaching Bridget about these things. I’m going to have a daughter who grows up thinking that it’s OK to eat bananas with brown spots after you put creamy peanut butter on your sandwich.
But when I think there’s no way I can go on, I remember the wonderful things that bring my wife and I together.
Like our disdain for families who shop together. I don’t mean to sound like people shouldn’t enjoy a day out together, but there have to be some limits.
For instance, a trip to the grocery store should involve no more than one adult. Unscheduled visits are exempt from this rule, but a regular weekly trip to the store doesn’t need to be a family affair.
That means one member of a couple can take care of things at home while the other shops. And children old enough to stay at home without supervision should take advantage of that privilege when Mom or Dad goes to the store.
This actually should apply to all shopping trips. Far too often, we see people in stores who obviously would rather be home watching TV or playing video games or drinking a glass of wine in a quiet house.
Even when we do go shopping together, we often split up the moment we walk into the store. That way, she knows she can find me in electronics, and I know I can find her in some girlie section of the store.
There’s no need for the two of us to clog the aisle, looking sullen while we wait for each other to look at things we don’t care about.
Hopefully, this desire to stay away from each other will make other families as happy as it has made ours.