Groceries Gone Wild

With some extra free time on my hands lately, I have had a chance to help out more around the house.

In some ways, this can be interpreted as a positive. More help means more gets done, right?

But remember this is a husband’s kind of helping. And I am the husband trying to pitch in to make life around the house a little easier.

All that means is that the routine Maria has developed over the years goes to hell in a handbasket, and I get things done the way I want them done.

Take the other day, for instance. I had a package of turkey bacon waiting for me in the fridge. Maria doesn’t like the smell of turkey bacon cooking. I love both the smell and the taste.

Usually, I have to bring in a hazmat team to clean up the kitchen if I want to cook some bacon for breakfast. This time, I struck gold.

I had the house to myself for a few house, so I cooked up the entire package. I knew she would not return home until late in the afternoon, so I could scrub the place down, air it out and take the trash out to completely clear the air.

Despite the thought running through my head, I didn’t eat the whole package in one sitting. Instead, I had a few pieces and made plans to freeze the rest. That way, I could pull out what I needed for breakfast on other days or to add to a sandwich one day.

Naturally, that day for bacon on a sandwich could not wait. I needed to have a club sandwich for lunch that afternoon. I just had to. I had bacon in the house. I couldn’t just leave it sitting there.

Only one thing stood in the way of that happening – we had no lunchmeat in the house. So I did the only thing a reasonable person would do in this situation. I started making a shopping list of all the things we needed so I wouldn’t go to the store just to get lunchmeat.

Of course, Maria had started a small grocery list so I did my best to get those things as well. I could have called her to ask what kind of salt she wanted, but then I would have had to face a zillion questions about why I needed to go to the store so badly.

I know she has a system and goes to the grocery store on a certain day, but the sandwich could not wait. Neither could the pizza rolls I might want over the weekend. Or the loaf of Italian bread which would complement the pasta I needed to make for dinner that night.

I knew that despite 13 years of marriage, she would only worry about how I had messed up the rhythm of the week. She also might be mad because I forgot to check if we had coupons for any of the things I wanted.

But in the end, everything worked out. I only had to go back to the store for one more thing, the garlic bread I made perfect with dinner and, most important of all, I had the most amazing turkey club sandwich for lunch.

I just hope I’m just as lucky next time I get a craving.

Author: brian

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