A terrible, terrible thing happened on television last night. I didn’t see this tragedy when I wrote this, but I know it did not turn out well.
One of the cable networks presented a show called “A Miser Brothers’ Christmas” or something like that. They dedicated 60 minutes to this brand-new program which never should have seen the light of day.
How do I know this without watching the show? It’s simple. There are only five real animated Christmas specials for television.
I don’t know why the people running television don’t understand this, but I guess I should be used to it by now. They never listen to the other perfect ideas I have to enhance the experience for viewers across the nation.
We don’t need a show to tell us how the Miser Brothers – you know them, Heat and Snow – finally patch up their differences to help an injured Santa deliver all the presents for Christmas.
I know we don’t need a show to tell us that because Santa doesn’t get injured in any of the classic Christmas stories so why make up an injury for the old fella now? That’s just unnecessary.
We do know that Santa can be a bit of a jerk to a reindeer that looks a little different than the rest of the herd. We learned that in Rudolph, one of the Fab Five shows.
We also know that Santa had to hide from the Burgermeister and Winter Warlock in order to fulfill his destiny as the jolly old elf we know today. That lesson came from Santa Claus is Coming to Town.
We know Santa can use magic to bring a melted snowman back to life in order to teach an evil magician a lesson. Frosty imparted that wisdom on us.
Lastly, we know that Santa went incognito to find Vixen, a baby Reindeer, while Mrs. Claus dealt with Heat Miser and Snow Miser in The Year without a Santa Claus. That’s it. That’s the last we needed to hear from the Miser Brothers.
The four Rankin/Bass specials – Rudolph, Frosty, Year without a Santa Claus and Santa Claus is Coming to Town – along with the classic Charlie Brown Christmas give us all the animated Christmas entertainment we need.
I can make one small exception for the beginning of a special featuring the Muppets where the cast sang “12 Days of Christmas” along with John Denver. That’s about as far as I can go.
The thing that bothers me the most is that as they try to come up with new shows, they have to steal from the perfectly fine shows we already have. The world does not need Olive the other reindeer or the return of Frosty. We definitely don’t need to find out what the Miser brothers have been up to for the past 38 years.
Christmas should be a simple holiday. People don’t need to shop six months in advance. You don’t need blinking, colored lights to be festive. And we have plenty of fine television specials already in the can to enjoy.
Those people need to be punished.
I had a party the Thursday before Christmas. Someone brought over the DVD of Rudolph. And a two people at the party claimed to have never really watched it. They also mocked us during the show. I was not happy.
I feel terrible. I totally spaced on the Grinch.