Does the air smell sweeter? Are the flowers prettier? Do the chicken wings seem meatier? Yes, folks, television season has started again. Thank God, we can return to our normal lives.
I thought the summer would never end. I imagine all the televisions in purgatory are permanently tuned to summer programming. The horror.
But Bree Van de Kamp and Denny Crane have helped rescue us from the morass of low-grade reality shows and sporadic reruns and not a moment too soon.
If the Game Show Network hadn’t started showing reruns of old “Kenny vs. Spenny episodes” a few months ago, I don’t think I would have watched anything except for “The Daily Show,” sports and the occasional movie all summer.
If you don’t know what “Kenny vs. Spenny” is, I suggest you check into it. Sadly, they only play it late night. But it’s worth staying up to see two friends do battle in competitions such as “Who can sit on a cow longer?” or “Who is more sane?”
After watching a few minutes of one episode, my wife said, “This is so juvenile. I can’t believe you are watching it.” She should know by now that those two things go hand in hand.
Regardless, my avoidance of primetime television ended a couple of weeks ago when “Arrested Development” returned. Over the next ten days or so, almost all of my favorites had come back, albeit on different nights.
I don’t think I will add any new shows this year. Of course, I said that last year, then “Desperate Housewives” and “Boston Legal” came along. I couldn’t turn those down.
I am giving “My Name is Earl” a shot, but I have already emotionally committed to five shows. I don’t know if I can handle much more.
I remember when I could sit down and run through an entire three-hour primetime block without breaking a sweat. I would watch shows just because I had nothing better to do.
Now, I actually have responsibilities and stuff. I have to think about how my viewing schedule affects my day-to-day life. For Pete’s sake, I will probably have to watch “Boston Legal” on my TiVo Wednesday nights because I don’t think I can stay up to 11 p.m. on Tuesdays.
I’m so ashamed.
I know there are engineers and computer geeks who have worked hard to develop technology that has allowed me to continue watching the finest television available while still managing to grow up. I appreciate their fine work.
That doesn’t mean I have to like the circumstances. I now can be a discriminating television viewer, but where is the fun in that? Bad TV carries just as much entertainment value as the best shows on the air. The difference is that the comedy is generally unintentional.
I know I provide a lot to my job and family, but I miss those days of sitting on the couch desperately wanting to turn off the TV, but not having the willpower because watching another five minutes wouldn’t kill me.
That’s the perfect way to enjoy television. Trust me. I checked.